Chandler

[DidYouKnowGaming @didyouknowgamin]

Nintendo's changed man

[Chandler @Cotton_Chandy_]

@OrangeSamuraiD Sometimes you gotta realize it doesn’t matter what you think it is especially when if you really care that little why would you not just sell it and make some ez good money to someone that thinks differently. Seems like twice the win for him that way but what do I know lol

[io @ioeylim]

i think about this 20 times a day

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

I was added to a group chat.

Nobody asked. My phone made a sound and I was in a room with nine Americans and a name at the top that said "THE BOYS 🏈🔥."

I did not know four of them.

Inside I said: I HAVE BEEN CONSCRIPTED INTO A COUNCIL WHOSE PURPOSE AND MEMBERSHIP HAVE NOT BEEN DISCLOSED TO ME.

The first message I received was a photograph of a lawnmower with no caption.

Eleven replies. Nobody asked what the lawnmower was. Everyone understood immediately. One man replied "LMAOOO" with four O's, and another replied "no way he did it again."

He did it again. Somebody had done something again. With a lawnmower. Previously.

I have never learned what happened. There is no way to ask. To ask would reveal that I am new, and I have been in this chat for fourteen months.

Then I learned the rules.

You do not say hello. There is no greeting. You simply begin, mid-thought, as though continuing a conversation that has been running since 2019, because it has.

You do not answer questions directed at the group. Someone else will. If nobody does, the question dies, and nobody mourns it, and the man who asked it will bring it up again in six weeks with no reference to the first attempt.

You do not leave. Leaving generates a system message. The system message is visible to all. There is no discreet exit. The only way out is death, and even then someone will post in it.

Inside I said: THERE IS NO GATE OUT. THE WALLS FACE INWARD.

I said nothing for four months.

Then one night at 11 PM, a man posted "anybody up."

Two words. No question mark.

Three people replied within a minute. Then a fourth. Then they talked for two hours about nothing.

I understood then what the chat is for.

It is not for information. It has never carried information. It is a light left on in a window so that a man who cannot sleep can see that the house is still there.

Last month my father was ill.

I did not say so. I would not say so.

At 1 AM I typed "anybody up."

Four replies in ninety seconds. Nobody asked why. Nobody asked if I was alright. They simply began talking about a football game from 2011 and an argument they have been having about it for a decade.

They talked until 3 AM.

Then one of them wrote, "night, brother."

Just that. To me. Singular.

He knew.

They all knew.

Nobody said a word about it and nobody ever will and I have never in my life been held so carefully by people who refused to admit they were doing it.

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

I needed to move a sofa.

I mentioned this to an American. He said, "You know anybody with a truck?"

I did not know anybody with a truck.

He looked at me with real concern. Not pity. Concern. The way you look at a man who has told you he does not have a name.

"You gotta know somebody with a truck."

I asked how one acquires such a person.

He said, "You just do."

This is the third time I have received that answer in this country. It is the answer to everything here. You just do. There is no process. There is only the eventual fact of having.

He said, "Ask Kevin."

I do not know a Kevin. He said Kevin like I should. He said it the way you say a shared uncle.

I met Kevin four days later. Kevin owns a truck. Kevin does not own a truck for himself. Nobody owns a truck for themselves. Kevin owns a truck for a fifteen mile radius.

Inside I said: THIS MAN HAS TAKEN A VOW. HE DID NOT ANNOUNCE IT. HE SIMPLY PURCHASED A BED AND ACCEPTED THE CONSEQUENCES.

Kevin arrived on Saturday. He brought the truck. He also brought a second man.

I had not asked for a second man.

The second man's name is Tony. Tony came because Kevin came. Tony did not know me. Tony did not ask what we were moving. Tony brought gloves.

They moved the sofa in eleven minutes.

I offered them money. Both of them laughed at the same time, which felt rehearsed and was not.

I asked what I owed them.

Kevin said, "Buy the pizza."

That is the price. That is the entire economy. The truck costs one pizza and the pizza is not negotiable and the pizza is also not expensive and everyone knows what size.

Inside I said: THE FEE IS FIXED ACROSS THE ENTIRE NATION AND WAS SET BY NO ONE.

We ate on the floor because the sofa was against the wall and none of us wanted to be the first to sit on it.

Tony told me his daughter plays soccer. I asked if she is good. He said, "She's aggressive."

I still think about that.

Three weeks later, Kevin texted me.

"You free Sunday? Helping Tony move a fridge."

He did not ask if I wanted to. He informed me of a fridge.

Inside I said: I HAVE BEEN CALLED UP. I DID NOT ENLIST. THE PAPERS WERE FILED ON MY BEHALF.

I went. I moved the fridge. I have no truck. I contributed only arms.

Afterward, a man I had never met asked me if I knew anybody with a truck.

I said, "Yeah, I got a guy."

I have a guy.

I am somebody's guy now, too. Tony has told two people about me.

He describes me as "the guy who's strong for his size."

I have never been prouder of a sentence in my life.

[beavisita @statueofcritic]

the strokes: hey rick should we put autotune on every single song on our album for no reason?

rick rubin (in the lotus position smiling serenely): I don’t know

[kate bush’s husband @airbagg3d]

white people when they hear "mr brightside" at the function

[Chandler @Cotton_Chandy_]

@AndyCollectz Just missed it :(

[Chandler @Cotton_Chandy_]

@jxcbzs After the amount I’ve spent on red packs on reprints because I couldn’t find a single pack in the wild originally it would be cool to finally get it!

[Elsie @Meelsie143]

type of shit jordan peterson would say with tears running down his face

[Cłoùd𖤐 @vapefuls]

when ur 8 drinks deep and they start playing 2000s white women music

[Chandler @Cotton_Chandy_]

@xstxdx Interested in the Roger

[MERC Sormil @sormiltcg]

Which card would you rather own?

[Chandler @Cotton_Chandy_]

@AniTVOfficial Heellllll yeaaaahhhhhh

[Chandler @Cotton_Chandy_]

@Coach_CoboYT I’ve opened one pack of his will because it’s the only pack I’ve found that wasn’t 26 bucks and I just can’t justify it. :(

[Chandler @Cotton_Chandy_]

@blacktwiterthrd It looks like he’s taking it back

[Chandler @Cotton_Chandy_]

@DiscussingFilm I wish it was actually in my theater at all

[Chandler @Cotton_Chandy_]

I watched Fargo last night and finally finished it and feel stupid for not doing so sooner. What an absolute banger, Eh.

[Chandler @Cotton_Chandy_]

@DiscussingFilm @FallonTonight I’d say the thing I’m most looking forward to is totally cracking up, it’s just been a long time since I’ve totally cracked up.

[dani @AutismRonin]

Would be awesome if I could see it