Not Brett White

I’d like to thank my sponsors; Cheetos, Monster Energy, Export A and La-Z-Boy recliners

[whiter @_whiterrrr]

Just tweaked a muscle in my neck getting off the couch and now I can’t move. I will be taking no further questions and ask that you respect mine and my family’s privacy at this time. Thank you.

[Not Brett White @CouchBrett]

Love the Avs

[Not Brett White @CouchBrett]

I’m so glad that I became a flames fan this year, I love the flames🔥🔥🔥🔥

[Not Brett White @CouchBrett]

@_whiterrrr Melted cheese on cheetos #cheeze

[Not Brett White @CouchBrett]

I would like to formally announce that 7-Eleven will now be sponsoring me along with the others. #jalapeñochicketaquito#711#sev

[Not Brett White @CouchBrett]

@_whiterrrr #cheetos

[Not Brett White @CouchBrett]

Was gonna make it out to the Wranglers pub night tonight, but the cheetos were calling and so was the couch#cheeeeeeze

[Not Brett White @CouchBrett]

@_whiterrrr Send the D #cheezefingers

[Not Brett White @CouchBrett]

@_whiterrrr Also love monster energy, lazy boy recliners and Cheeto’s #cheeze #energy #couch

[Not Brett White @CouchBrett]

@_RB31 @_whiterrrr I’d have to go with the monster/Cheeto combo

[Not Brett White @CouchBrett]

Recovering from yesterday’s root canal, dentist said I need to take a break from @CheetosCanada and @MonsterEnergy drinks. But who am I kidding right? #bangedup #snacks

[whiter @_whiterrrr]

At the dentist for a root canal and one of the tools on the table looks like one of those eyelash curler things. If they think a makeover is going to make me less hesitant to get a root canal they are right #fab

[whiter @_whiterrrr]

Important Tweet: If soap really works the way it’s supposed to, what’s the point of automatic soap dispensers? #wakeupsheeple

[whiter @_whiterrrr]

However, the Bruins fans’ rendition of Livin’ on a Prayer was intoxicating #whoa

[whiter @_whiterrrr]

My god the Bruins play-by-play guys are homers #yuck

[La-Z-Boy @lazboy]

Looking for something special at the end of the rainbow? How about a lucky Nolita chair? Enter to win once a day between now and March 14th! https://t.co/lXNfgIj0AV

[whiter @_whiterrrr]

If you’re a grown adult and you tuck your ears in under a ball cap you need to seriously evaluate your decision-making process

[Not Brett White @CouchBrett]

@CheetosCanada so what’s a guy gotta do to get some free cheetos? #cheezdust #cheezfingers #snacks

[Not Brett White @CouchBrett]

I hate chandler bing

[Not Brett White @CouchBrett]

I still can’t believe how chandler is on friends, I think Gunther should be a main character instead. Way better actor and a lot funnier #cheezfingers