Courtney Johnson

Preschool teacher turned author 📚 Chaos curator. Juice box survivor. Wrote a book so I wouldn’t scream into the void. 💀

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

My therapist read my book and said it was amazing 😭😭

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

It’s raw, it’s real, it’s my story https://t.co/WKu4NhLTaH

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

My grandpa is one of the funniest people I know. And the best part is, he doesn’t even try. He just has no filter and gives zero fucks about what comes out of his mouth 😂

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

My midwife just told me they have to induce me between 38 and 39 weeks due to having to be on insulin for GD. I know it’s not a lot sooner than 40 but, dang it sure feels like it.

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

I got to see some 4D pictures of my baby today. He’s so cute, I cried. I can’t wait to hold him in my arms 🥰

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

Just finished watching The Righteous Gemstones, I highly recommend

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

What does it say about my life that my therapist started the session with “I was so excited to see you were on my schedule this week! I love hearing about all the craziness you’ve got going on!”?

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

I truly think Mr. and Mrs. Met are the coolest mascots in the MLB. I know people who aren’t Mets fans but, they love our mascots.

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

Got my husband to watch Ted Lasso with me (I was mid season 2 and started over). We’re about to wrap up season 3. Nate irks my soul. Tell me why my husband told me that being mad at Nate means I’m missing the whole point of the show. Just let me hate this fictional man!

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

Me: I’m exhausted and I can’t fall asleep
My husband less than 5 mins later: *snoring*

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

I have to do the 3 hour glucose test 😭😭

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

I would buy this so fast

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

I’m pretty sure my neighbors think I’m addicted to online shopping. In reality it’s just my family sending me stuff for the baby 😂

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

Not big pasta spying on us too. I thought at least pasta was safe!

[Dexerto @Dexerto]

Pasta sauce company Prego is launching a device that listens to and records conversations at the dinner table

The device is designed to capture laughter, stories, and everyday moments that can be revisited

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

I found out I’m having a boy today. Kinda crazy. Feels more real 🥰

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

Therapy session went over almost a half hour. The amount of times she said “girl your life is crazy right now” 😂

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

I’m pretty sure I have therapy on Tuesday. My therapist is going to be shook about what happened the past two weeks 🙃

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

I’m 5 months pregnant today and it feels like it’s going so fast. I remember the day I found out so vividly

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

It’s only took 22 seasons of Grey’s for someone to finally acknowledge the security cameras in those damn elevators 😂😂

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

I think my biggest pregnancy craving so far have been strawberries and AriZona iced tea. If I could live off of those two things, I would

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

Not Bartolomeo having the same fantasies as Boa Hancock 😂

[Courtney Johnson @CourtKneee93]

@Mets win their opener! #LFGM