And i just wanted to be loved by her just a bit and i feel pathetic for that like why if i feel in love it cant be mutual why i have to surfer from this feeling i love so much
I really hate my ability to love someone so deeply because i dont even need them to love me the same way. And i dont want to hold back to not let it feel like im desperate or overwhelming someone by it
And yet im just okay with the crumb of they affection
@EmmaPhantomhive J'en ai parlé de ça a ma psy et genre pour elle justement se serait plus facile si je tombais amoureux de personne polya mais. Ouais c'est le cas mais en même temps je contrôle pas envers qui je ressens de l'amour ou du désir
Sometimes i feel like the problem is me like i would rather not be who i am not to constantly struggles and hate the Way i love people
And to have a self esteem so low i would accept anything if it mean they still in my life
Like most of my expérience about drug or alcohol is my "friend" telling me to keep drinking or smoking even when im pass my limit and its on me for that because i could totally stop i was 17 so i was conscious of it. But now. Its the opposite then told me to slow down or stop
Idk if im just fucked up but i feel like i am babied by my friend but i know its a proof of how much they care about me but im just not used for that kind of treatment