Craig

Veteran.

[Craig @CraigB96]

@iowahawkblog @hasanthehun looks more like Hasan Porker.

[Clay Travis @ClayTravis]

Green Bay Packers running back Josh Jacobs has been arrested for allegedly strangling and suffocating a woman. Which sounds bad. But it could be worse per sports media — he could have introduced President Trump at a rally.

[Adam Carolla @adamcarolla]

Funny

[Dr. Clown, PhD @DrClownPhD]

Troy, but instead of Brad Pitt, it’s Elliot Page.

[Craig @CraigB96]

@AdversusN If Biden was chewing bubble gum at the same time, you might be on to something.🤔

[Craig @CraigB96]

@Strandjunker Seems like a good day to remind everyone that Andrea Junker is a f*cking idiot. 🤡🤡

[Craig @CraigB96]

@CaptPiccard And, they probably use both sides of the paper. 💩💩

[Tony Kinnett @TheTonus]

BREAKING: Black smoke signals that the College of Mullahs has not reached a decision on the new Ayatollah today.

[Space Koala @SpaceKoala]

China's anti-stealth radar detects the presence of stealth aircraft by exploding, thus alerting defenders that a stealth aircraft is definitely in the area.

[Kurt Schlichter @KurtSchlichter]

It will never not be hilarious that the same retarded, SSRI-gobbling weirdos who walked around dressed as handmaidens are now collectively wetting themselves because Donald Trump killed the guy who literally made women walk around dressed as handmaidens.

[Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes]

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank?

Do you just call them and say you can't come?

[il Donaldo Trumpo @PapiTrumpo]

WHO DID THIS???🤣🤣🤣

[The Real Mike Rowe @mikeroweworks]

I saw Airplane when I was a senior in high school and thought it was the funniest movie I’d ever seen. My date, however, did not agree. In fact, she didn't laugh at all. Not even once. Not even when the Japanese soldier stabbed himself to death in the window seat, rather than listen to Ted Striker drone on and on about his broken heart. When the credits rolled, she looked at me like I was an alien.

“What’s the matter with you?” she asked. “How was any of that funny?”

In her defense, there were others in the theater who didn’t get it, several of whom left early. But there were many others like me who not only laughed themselves sick but stayed to watch it again. So, my date left me in the theater and spent the next two hours shopping in the mall, while I laughed even harder the second time around.

“Tell me Johnny, have you ever seen a grown man naked?”
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!”
"Pardon me Stewardess, I speak Jive."
And this gem, perhaps the greatest exchange in the history of cinema, between two very sophisticated ten-year old Caucasians dressed like adults.
Boy: Coffee?
Girl: Yes, please.
Boy: Cream?
Girl: No, I take it black....Like my men.

Later, in the food court, I bought my date a Coke and a slice of pizza, but it was too late. The damage had been done.

“I can’t believe you’d rather sit there alone and watch that stupid movie again instead of spending time with me. "Surely," she said, “you not that much of an idiot.”

“Don’t be too sure,” I said. “And don't call me Shirley.”

That was our last date, obviously, thanks to @TheDavidZucker, the man who wrote and directed this ridiculously silly film along with Jim Abrams and Jerry Zucker. Since its release, Airplane! is now considered one of the greatest comedy films ever made, inspiring numerous references, homages, and further parodies in popular culture. In fact, in 2010, Airplane! was selected for preservation in the United States National Film Registry by the Library of Congress as being "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant," proving once and for all that my date had no sense of humor.

What an honor to meet interview David Zucker, 46 years later. And what a relief to learn that he can still make me laugh...

Our whole conversation is here. https://t.co/qOkNiwl5s8

[The Babylon Bee @TheBabylonBee]

Prince Andrew Joins UK Muslim Rape Gang So He Can Keep Abusing Young Girls https://t.co/1575p1aivL

[Pat Smith @patsmithcomedy]

Had a couple people message this weekend saying it’s time to start posting on X.. 😅😂 here we go 👍

[Clown World ™ 🤡 @ClownWorld]

This had me crying 😭 🤣

[RAW EGG NATIONALIST @Babygravy9]

At last, the AI meme we all wanted has been made.

[Darth Powell @VladTheInflator]

Modern problems require modern solutions