Quote Craig Ferguson

Funny and memorable Craig Ferguson quotes!

[Quote Craig Ferguson @CraigyQuotes]

There was a very rare letter found from Abraham Lincoln. It's dated 1864 and it's very beautifully written. It starts out 'Dear John McCain'

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"The movie is the story of a man who starts out old and gets younger. It's based on the true life story of Kenny Rogers."

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"Damn you scientists and your quest for knowledge!"

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"I'll tell you one thing I can assure you of, that if I ever get struck by lightning there's one thing I would never do, and that is curse."

[Quote Craig Ferguson @CraigyQuotes]

"Aphrodisiacs come in many forms: food, drink, the internet..."

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"Technically my dog's naked most of the time. Except halloween, when I dress him up as Liza Minelli."

[Quote Craig Ferguson @CraigyQuotes]

... If I can't do what they do I'm clearly educationally subnormal!"

[Quote Craig Ferguson @CraigyQuotes]

"I had a conversation with a couple of guys who surf a lot and thought: 'these guys are morons!'...

[Quote Craig Ferguson @CraigyQuotes]

"My son's always showing me pictures of dinosaurs & asking me what their names are. I dont know so I make stuff up: That son is a thesaurus"

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"The biggest lizard of all is the dinosaur. The word 'dinosaur' is greek for 'terrible lizard' What're you laughing about hobos? Thats true"

[Quote Craig Ferguson @CraigyQuotes]

"Now, to the people who are in the studio audience -the hobos as I like to call them-, a lizard is nothing but a quick moving meal"

[Quote Craig Ferguson @CraigyQuotes]

"Today's a great day if you're a lizard."

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"We can't even be crap properly!!"

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"Son, there's eggs in the fridge. We're rich! Now get me the family shoe so I can hop to the market and dance for pennys"

[Quote Craig Ferguson @CraigyQuotes]

"If you go to a big A-list party in Hollywood and I'm there, it's not really an A-list party"

[Quote Craig Ferguson @CraigyQuotes]

"I barely got invited to my own last wedding. Man... I wish I hadn't made it."

[Quote Craig Ferguson @CraigyQuotes]

"A 52 year old woman is sueing Victorias Secret over injuries she received from a thong-I think the thong was just trying to defend itself!"

[Quote Craig Ferguson @CraigyQuotes]

"This will probably upset some people, but I... don't care"

[Quote Craig Ferguson @CraigyQuotes]

"The word 'unicorn' comes from the latin root 'unus' which mean 'one', and 'cornu' which means 'gay horse'" #CraigFerguson

[Quote Craig Ferguson @CraigyQuotes]

"If 'Punk Is Not Dead' is written on sequins in the back of 200 dollar sweatshirt, it's not only dead, YOU killed it ya bastard!"