Crispin Gregg

[Iconuzor @icons_closet]

Generator generation don born solar panel generation…

[AYO Sepril23 💡💡 @sepril23NG]

If you gather 1 million monkeys to startup a society, they will have stable electricity within 50 years
There is no progress whatsoever that any government can claim they built if they still cannot offer stable electricity in 2026

[Ja Leto @_falsi1ke]

I have been watching this every morning for 11 months now.

[Michael Taiwo @AskMichaelTaiwo]

To be successful at anything, you don’t have to be special. You simply have to be what most people are not. Consistent, determined, and willing to work for it.

[Ogundipe, Esq. @The_Ogundipe]

One of the things I genuinely hate about living in Nigeria is how it appears that you must be somebody or be capable of visiting consequences on people before they behave themselves.

I used to judge people who flaunted their positions of advantage in people's faces. I mean lawyers who have their bibs hanging on their rear-view mirrors or doctors who hang their stethoscopes there. Now, I don't judge them anymore. If that's what they need to keep off nuisance, oppression and get a pass from needless bullshit, so be it.

If you're a sucker for doing things right, you will almost always be mad about how things are done in Nigeria.

A few weeks back, I had to rescue a poor rider from the fangs of predatory policemen at a traffic junction.

There was a faulty traffic light. It would turn green, then yellow, then red. It was very confusing. I had not been to that axis in a while, so I paused for a few seconds to observe it.

A rider, probably acting on the green light, crossed, & before I could say jack, about three policemen jumped out from a corner where they had been hiding. Apparently, they knew about the fault & were banking on it.

When I crossed, I had to park. Two of them were already dragging the man's bike, with him still on it, & he kept pleading that the traffic light had given him the go-ahead. I approached them:

"Why are you people operating like devil? You should maintain law & order. You cannot establish a career out of the chaos you're creating here."

It was one of those days when I had gone to court. "Wetin be your own? Because you be lawyer, you think say you fit harass us?" I made sure that he was released.

The traffic light was faulty. They were not out to control traffic and guide people. They were out to extort people who would be misled by the confusion created by the faulty machine.

Sometime last year, a family friend who lives abroad reached out to me. She had ordered a particular dress from a vendor and paid for it. Someone was supposed to pick it up on her behalf two days later, but the person could not get to the vendor until four days later.

When the person got there, the dress had been sold. A dress that should ordinarily not be for sale anymore because it had already been paid for.

My family friend called, but her calls were rudely taken. "You have to wait until we restock. If you want a refund, it will take 14 days."

The lady's attitude was so irritating that my ordinarily gentle aunty called me. "The dress is ₦65,000. I will spend millions to take this matter to any level allowed by law."

I asked her to take things easy. I took the lady's number and called her.

I was polite when I called. I didn't talk about the law or being a lawyer. In fact, I pleaded with her to make the refund and let sleeping dogs lie.

"We don't do refund before 14 days, & if she thinks she can do anything to me, she will know that I am the daughter of XYZ, a police boss in Ondo."

My friends know that I don't like such comments. They arouse my interest to no mean degree & make me want to see exactly how much you and your father can take & give.

I asked a colleague to prepare a formal letter of demand. It was sent to her via WhatsApp.

The following morning, my phone was being blasted with calls as early as 7 a.m.

When I picked up, it was a soft-spoken man. He introduced himself as the father of the belligerent lady. Oh! Apples do fall far from the tree when such trees are domiciled on a mountain.

The man was reasonable. Indeed, he was a high-ranking police officer, but he acknowledged that the lady was wrong.

"That trait isn't from me. She picked it from her mother," he said.

He added that he would instruct her to make a refund and apologise.

The refund was made. She called me and asked me to extend her apologies to my client, who insisted that anything she wanted to say should be directed to her lawyers.

"I like you. Can you be my lawyer?"

I bounced the call.

I no do lawyer to mental people o.

Whether...

[Sherifdeen of Nigeria 🇳🇬 @AbuUbayy1]

Two interesting things I discovered this week are:

1. That you can get genuine court affidavits online from the Nigerian Federal High Court. A genuine one, not the ones those roadside people give you.
The website has all sorts of affidavits, even ones I didn't know existed.

2. The National Population Commission has a working portal. You can register your newborn online and get a certified birth certificate that is accepted worldwide.

You can do all these things without any bureaucracy.

For 1, visit: https://t.co/mMEjgphabJ

For 2, visit: https://t.co/vEssNLkZ5l

Joseph Adedeji

[Crispin Gregg @Crispgg]

@DurkioWiz I did some work at Sky News.The news station is a transparent cubicle set high up in the middle of the main hall.Every one at their desks or passing by can see the presenters live.The cameras are huge & controlled remotely.Makes this Channel news setup look like a home studio.

[Crispin Gregg @Crispgg]

@Tomorihezekiah @AlbertoAkpos I would suggest you have a lawyer on retainership. In this situation, the lawyer would be able to review the contract documents & see if you have a claim. However, for now, it means you have to physically inspect every car before putting in a bid at auction.

[Crispin Gregg @Crispgg]

@Jojo_agboola 9% interes plus other management charges which are not included in this rate. Exorbitant

[Crispin Gregg @Crispgg]

@Lifematician I read somewhere that white lights have adverse effects on the human body. Its being phased out in some countries

[Crispin Gregg @Crispgg]

@FinPlanKaluAja1 Ive said it that should Nigeria implode, these politicians will go to the airport, they will grant an interview at the foot of the plane saying that everything is under control, then board with their families and run away

[Crispin Gregg @Crispgg]

@iamcomputer__ Kombucha

[Crispin Gregg @Crispgg]

one day while visiting him at school, his students came to ask about their scores and offhand he mentioned their matric numbers & scores. He also memorised phone numbers. He eventually went to Germany for his PhD in Biostatistics and is a Prof now.

[Crispin Gregg @Crispgg]

I know one egbon. 1st class statistics. Told us he does not read. But said he doesn't miss lectures. Once his lecturers mentions it in class, he never forgets.He became a lecturer himself & he knows all his students scores & matric numbers offhand. I witnessed this myself, cos

[Wittig Lyon #DataFestIlorin2026 @ibn_wittig]

Nonchalant First Class students are scary

My friend will spend the whole semester playing ball, partying, touching no book… then 3 days to exam he skims through some books and boom 5.0.

Engineering student o.

[The Black Paper @blackpaperpod]

We have now written to Nigerian-heritage Members of @UKParliament about the racist death threat to Nigerians by Reform's Cllr Gibbins. We are asking them to speak up for the Community and ask the PM to do so.

[Crispin Gregg @Crispgg]

@Realomosexy @MTNNG May I suggest proper organisation with collection of evidence and the institution of a class action lawsuit?

[David Hundeyin @DavidHundeyin]

I'm bored of saying it, but any Yoruba person reading this should please remember that there will still be life after Tinubu.

His mission to turn you and Igbo people into enemies for the sake of his short-term political interest will only spoil your life for no reason.

[Michael Pyrcz🌻 @GeostatsGuy]

"Howdy Folks, I'm Michael Pyrcz, a professor at The University of Texas at Austin, and I record all of my lectures and put them on YouTube so anyone can follow along!"

...and I kept doing that, and writing a Python package, along with 2 free, online e-books, 100s of Python demonstration workflows, dozens of synthetic datasets, etc. etc.

Why? So anyone can follow along!

Education changes lives. I know because it changed mine. I’m just paying it forward.

[Crispin Gregg @Crispgg]

Its not just snacks. Some years ago,a friend of mine who has a palm oil plantation wanted to sell his produce & he did some market research. Most of the palm oil you buy in the market is mixed with all sorts of chemicals. Only God knows what's happening with other farm products.

[Pamilerin Adegoke @Pamilerin]

With the rise of kidney failure in Nigeria ,what are the best snacks to give kids to take to school

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.