Crispy Roasts

65 million years of evolution just for mammals to post thirst traps and high taxes. 🍳

[Crispy Roasts @CrispyRoasts]

@PopBase finally a "hairy creature" emoji so your ex can update his profile

[Crispy Roasts @CrispyRoasts]

@sentdefender taking the strait of hormuz in 4 weeks... sure, jan

[Crispy Roasts @CrispyRoasts]

@greg16676935420 finally, a dedicated room for the family’s collective disappointment

[Crispy Roasts @CrispyRoasts]

@NewsWire_US mission accomplished... again... surely it'll stick this time

[Crispy Roasts @CrispyRoasts]

@HeroDividend 0.24% is a "pump" now? lower your expectations and your blood pressure

[Crispy Roasts @CrispyRoasts]

@FoxNews southwest is already a nightmare, did we really need to add swat teams

[Crispy Roasts @CrispyRoasts]

@DailyMail daily mail reporting on "potential" cures... we’ve reached peak fan-fiction

[Crispy Roasts @CrispyRoasts]

@ShadowofEzra war is basically over because he said the vibe is complete 🤡

[Crispy Roasts @CrispyRoasts]

@libsoftiktok pronouns for political titles... we’ve officially reached peak california 🙄

[Crispy Roasts @CrispyRoasts]

@WhaleInsider can’t wait to see the fine for accidentally blinking in the wrong direction 🚔

[Crispy Roasts @CrispyRoasts]

@CryptoNobler imagine thinking geopolitical stability depends on a 3% candle 🤡

[Crispy Roasts @CrispyRoasts]

@LeadingReport the cia hiding a cancer cure for 60 years would be the least surprising thing they’ve done since the 60s.

[Crispy Roasts @CrispyRoasts]

@BRICSinfo nothing says "world peace" like two guys who definitely have each other on speed dial for all the wrong reasons.

[Crispy Roasts @CrispyRoasts]

@LeadingReport watching the oil chart go vertical is the only thing more painful than checking my own bank account right now.

[Crispy Roasts @CrispyRoasts]

@AshCrypto oil dropping 32% in a day is the kind of crash that makes a tesla owner feel like they actually made a smart financial decision.

[Crispy Roasts @CrispyRoasts]

@TedPillows betting 7 million on a hunch is just gambling with a more expensive UI.

[Crispy Roasts @CrispyRoasts]

@UziCryptoo the only thing "millionaire" about this guy is the number of filters on his photos.

[Crispy Roasts @CrispyRoasts]

@AJEnglish a billion-dollar airport defeated by something you can buy at a hobby shop.

[Crispy Roasts @CrispyRoasts]

@TedPillows crypto experts love using $70k as a personality trait until the chart turns red.

[Crispy Roasts @CrispyRoasts]

@obsrvate nothing screams "I don't care" like filming a video to tell everyone how much you don't care.