CrookedKitty

Oh, you're cute... like a velvet glove cast in iron.

[CrookedKitty @CrookedKitty]

Trying to figure out how to use Twitter again. #FacebookIsDown #instagramdown #WhatsAppDown

[CrookedKitty @CrookedKitty]

Rewatching Dexter and suddenly realizing that I am Masuka at work 😜😆😂

[CrookedKitty @CrookedKitty]

Want to know how I survived the time change, I slept 8-10 hrs every day last week. I can’t believe I woke at 4am and actually felt like a normal human being lol 😝

[CrookedKitty @CrookedKitty]

Sorry I’m beating the shit out of the heavy bag while you’re trying to do some relaxing yoga in the gym

[CrookedKitty @CrookedKitty]

@JasonRobertC Apparently lol

[CrookedKitty @CrookedKitty]

Why does everyone suddenly want to talk to me when I put my earbuds in?

[CrookedKitty @CrookedKitty]

Listening to E-40 while I roll through the vegan/gluten-free fast food drive-thru...because I’m gangsta like that 😂😂

[CrookedKitty @CrookedKitty]

It’s called the divorce/single lady diet and it consists mostly of bagels, coffee and dirty martinis.

[CrookedKitty @CrookedKitty]

Omg my favorite cashier at B&N is my spirit animal at the bar 😂❤️

[CrookedKitty @CrookedKitty]

I’ve been fighting off some kind of sickness all week. At this point, I’m ready to get naked and drink a bottle of vodka on my deck and say “Bring me your worst but just get on with it!”

[CrookedKitty @CrookedKitty]

Twitter, you are my best friend while I’m drinking alone at the bar.

[CrookedKitty @CrookedKitty]

So....I was going to go shopping but I think after two martinis that’s a bad idea #takeallmymoney #iwantitall

[CrookedKitty @CrookedKitty]

*Scrolling through my feed* I still wish I had a man to handle “man shit” but I’m actually getting better at it. Owning a house will do that to you.

[CrookedKitty @CrookedKitty]

@frenchscotjeff I ended up driving to three coffee shops to meet my date 😂

[CrookedKitty @CrookedKitty]

Honestly, I don’t need to diet. I just need to be regular 😜

[CrookedKitty @CrookedKitty]

And your favorite cashier at Barnes and Noble almost spills your martini lol

[CrookedKitty @CrookedKitty]

When you say you’re gonna have a salad for dinner and end up eating 3 mini pizzas and drinking a dirty martini #dietfail

[CrookedKitty @CrookedKitty]

Misadventures in dating

[CrookedKitty @CrookedKitty]

I hate Christmas shopping

[CrookedKitty @CrookedKitty]

My reaction when someone who never acknowledges me, actually acknowledges me.

“Wow, she actually said “Hi!”to me and engaged in a conversation. Is she on or off drugs?”