Leroy Lee

I don't Netflix and Chill...I VHS and Fuck, I drink a shitload and bang fine Trim on the reg. Ladies the Stache isn't just for looks feel free to take the tour.

[Leroy Lee @CrustyVajomach]

Without a doubt the biggest titties in the world belong to black lady bus drivers.

[Cash @Thatcash1]

That shit STUNK 😧🤢😭 fish and chips and shit 🐟🐠🤣

[ash 🏳️‍🌈 @rakshesha]

It finally happened! The flight attendant asked "is there a doctor on this flight?" and I leapt up and said yes!

Did a tracheotomy at 30,000ft with a razor blade and ballpoint pen.

He didn't make it, but the thrill was undeniable. Thinking of going to doctor school now.

[ᏚᎢᎬᎬᏞ ™ @TheWidowmakerX]

My pussy always gets excited during shaving time thinking we're getting some.
I'm like, calm down girl, you're just getting your hair done

[ᏚᎢᎬᎬᏞ ™ @TheWidowmakerX]

I was in the bathroom when a friend sent me an XXX video. I played it but there was no sound.
I increased the volume but still no sound. I watched it for 5 mins before I remembered my phone was connected to the Bluetooth in the living room.
My entire family was in there.

[Boozemunkee @boozemunkee]

I really don't have any time for hobbies with my strenuous masturbation schedule

[The B. @anerdonfire2]

Wait.... taking the high road has nothing to do with drugs?! Wow, I've been doing things all wrong.

[Sara Buckley @nottheworstmom]

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you’re probably very emotionally stable and have healthy boundaries.

[Boozemunkee @boozemunkee]

Apparently telling your parents they're probably part of the reason you developed a spanking fetish is a faux pas at family dinner.

[Syrup Tishus @Syrup_Tishus]

Imagine meeting your soulmate and then finding out they don't sleep with a fan on.

[Jude D @heyitsJudeD]

*during sex*

Him: come on baby tell me what you want me to do!

Me: ring for pizza, I'm bloody starving

[🖤Kat Ballou™️ @1fragmentedmind]

If you’ve got old rivalries, it means you’re not giving a fuck game isn’t strong enough...

[The Queen’s Heart 🍱 ×͜× 💙💚🪩💪🏻🇺🇸♥️ @thequeensheart]

I’ve banged my pinky toe so many times in the past week it has an appointment at the clinic tomorrow for a STD test.

[ᏚᎢᎬᎬᏞ ™ @TheWidowmakerX]

Might I suggest some Vagasil for your sensitive pussy, Sir?

[JP 🍍 @JPLFR80]

Somewhere out there, my soulmate is dancing in her sweatpants.

[Ms Evilroyslade™️ @msevilroyslade]

You’re a jaunty little psycho this morning.

~ Me, to me as I skipped into work.

[Swedish Sweetie @swedishsweets99]

I had four cans of alphabet soup.
Just had the largest vowel movement ever.