Felix Koranteng

Music Lover, Super Cool 🐈, Ambivert, I am everything and anything

[Felix Koranteng @CryptonBlvck]

Confession: my boss followed this account today. Do I quit the account or the job? https://t.co/fvQ6gECuqJ

[Felix Koranteng @CryptonBlvck]

Small talk rules from a man with no shame 😂

1. compliment the shoes, never the body
2. ask what she's cooking tonight
3. agree it's way too hot for October
4. let her decide when the chat's over

She did not decide it was over. https://t.co/Pwhys9xYGr

[Felix Koranteng @CryptonBlvck]

Zoom in. I dare you 🔍😈

[Felix Koranteng @CryptonBlvck]

Confession: three appointments in, my massage therapist and I have stopped pretending it's about the massage 😅 the sèx is better anyway

[Felix Koranteng @CryptonBlvck]

Pedicure went 50 minutes, she watched the dìck for about 45 of them, and I still tipped 40%. Too generous? 🤔 https://t.co/fvQ6gEBWBb

[Felix Koranteng @CryptonBlvck]

Booked a 60 minute massage and used about 15 of them on the actual massage 😅 https://t.co/Ku32QBVLMb

[Felix Koranteng @CryptonBlvck]

the store 👇
https://t.co/Pwhys9xqQT

[Felix Koranteng @CryptonBlvck]

Serious question: why do the quiet ones always stare the longest? Let me explain 🤔

Store, Tuesday, mid afternoon. Woman by the paper towels, cart half full, minding her business.

I take it out.

She lets go of the cart.

[Felix Koranteng @CryptonBlvck]

And she just watches. Doesn't blink, doesn't move, doesn't say one word while my dìck does all the talking 😮‍💨

So I'll ask again: why do the quiet ones stare the longest? #storeflash https://t.co/fvQ6gEBWBb

[Felix Koranteng @CryptonBlvck]

Ten minutes of this. Jar. Me. Jar. Me.

Never buys either jar. Never walks off.

When she finally moves on she gives me a little nod, like we'd agreed on something.

Respect. https://t.co/fvQ6gEBWBb

[Felix Koranteng @CryptonBlvck]

The most patient woman I've ever met was in aisle 9 of an Asian grocery in Houston, mature, glasses, tiny cart, comparing two jars of chili oil like her life depended on it.

I'm one aisle down in joggers, very much on display. She looks up, then back at the jars.

[Felix Koranteng @CryptonBlvck]

Things my boys text me every time I post:

1. "bro is that a leg"
2. "put that away"
3. "why is it bigger than last time"
4. "my girl liked this, unfollow me rn"
5. nothing, just the skull 💀

https://t.co/Pwhys9xYGr

[Felix Koranteng @CryptonBlvck]

the second look 👀
https://t.co/1Hys7iUzjC

[Felix Koranteng @CryptonBlvck]

Ever been looked at so hard you forgot your own name? 😳

Saturday, grocery store, self checkout down, so I'm in the one real line.

Woman ahead of me, afro, gold hoops, buying nothing but limes.

She turns around for a pack of gum.

She doesn't turn back.

[Felix Koranteng @CryptonBlvck]

Second look, longer than the first. Cashier says "ma'am?" twice.

She pays, grabs her limes, and on the way out says "you should get that looked at."

I said she just did.

Should I have got her number? Be honest 🤔 https://t.co/fvQ6gECuqJ

[Felix Koranteng @CryptonBlvck]

Bet you rewind this one 😮‍💨

[Felix Koranteng @CryptonBlvck]

Marcus picks the account. Thinks he's hilarious.

I post it, go to bed, wake up to 400 notifications and a DM from his ex: "is that who I think it is?" 😳

Then a second one: "https://t.co/fvQ6gEBWBb should hire you."

Do I answer her or not? 🤔 #bbc

[Felix Koranteng @CryptonBlvck]

Has a dare ever gone so right it ruined you a little? 😅

Tuesday, cards at Marcus's place. Loser posts a dìck pic, no face, on whatever account the winner picks.

I lost. Badly 🃏

[Felix Koranteng @CryptonBlvck]

A blonde artist used my dìck as her canvas once. She never finished the drawing 🎨😈

[Felix Koranteng @CryptonBlvck]

brazilian wax before work. the blonde got very close to the dìck 😳 https://t.co/99ybzO8hkk