Crystal Jackson

Fueled by show tunes and Taco Bell.

[Crystal Jackson @Crystal_Simone_]

@mulaney really actin a goddamn fool.

[Crystal Jackson @Crystal_Simone_]

Whoever did that new Instagram update where they can see when you’re in the DM chat, your moms a hoe.

[Crystal Jackson @Crystal_Simone_]

I need to know why all these heauxs were getting engaged over Memorial Day weekend. This is not a day of love. It’s a day about fallen soldiers. Get it together.

[Crystal Jackson @Crystal_Simone_]

This past year has been rough for me but at least I never used bell peppers as bread.

[Crystal Jackson @Crystal_Simone_]

Not ashamed to say that I don’t “get” Lana Del Taco

[Crystal Jackson @Crystal_Simone_]

I want to understand the people who set 10 alarms in the morning but I don’t. Grow up.

[Crystal Jackson @Crystal_Simone_]

The fact that through that joke of a video you’re holding a giant dick looking mic instead of just talking genuinely shows how bogus that apology was.

[Crystal Jackson @Crystal_Simone_]

@DavidDobrik how are you gonna put out a video called “Let’s talk” with the comments turned off?? What you mean is: “Listen to me try and justify my actions”

[Crystal Jackson @Crystal_Simone_]

Whoever did that to #MsFrizzle, your mom’s a hoe.

[Crystal Jackson @Crystal_Simone_]

Every time I cook it’s just to make @cook_papi proud of me.

[Crystal Jackson @Crystal_Simone_]

Went to Trader Joe’s today and bought BROWN eggs. #StimmyTurner

[Crystal Jackson @Crystal_Simone_]

#BoyMeetsWorld invented the bromance trope and you cannot and will not change my mind.

[Crystal Jackson @Crystal_Simone_]

I don’t really care to see anyone’s vaccine card. Show me your dog.

[Crystal Jackson @Crystal_Simone_]

Hey @Apple just let me type fuck. Stop playing these games.

[Crystal Jackson @Crystal_Simone_]

@machinegunkelly please open a @27clubcoffee in LA!!! 🖤💀💕☕️

[Crystal Jackson @Crystal_Simone_]

I just waxed my arms to feel something. #dateme

[Crystal Jackson @Crystal_Simone_]

Hot take: #PrinceHarry should run for POTUS.

[Crystal Jackson @Crystal_Simone_]

I’m sorry but I do not understand grown adults with private socials. What tf are you posting that needs to be hidden. #idonttrustyou

[Crystal Jackson @Crystal_Simone_]

@yungblud 🖤
That’s it. That’s the tweet.

[Crystal Jackson @Crystal_Simone_]

Anyone who thinks Meghan is the problem needs to be reminded what those tea drinkin bastards did to our Diana.