🪻🪻🪻
I’m not really fond of secrecy followed by a sudden announcement (this may or may not come as a shock since how long this has lasted already) but I’ve been heavily considering retiring if not going on a several month real hiatus.
I won’t be graduating as Crystara because that’s not quite how I work. I was always going to be Crystara whether I streamed or not, because she’s core to my very soul and I won’t let anything change that. I’ll be me, and everything I dream to be. It’s the acceptance and love of friends that have made that dream come true and helped me find love in myself and who I am spiritually.
I’ve been in a constant battle of burning myself out to keep going while also somehow also being constantly on breaks.
It’s really hurt being told I reap what I sow taking time off when I haven’t truly stopped at any point.
They haven’t been breaks, they’ve been me poorly confessing I can’t keep up with a full time job, therapy, active streaming as well as projects outside. I’d have to leave the stage to work on my designs, commissions and events, debuts taking so much time and setting unrealistically high expectations.
I’ve been trying my absolute hardest to make everything work and I’ve finally gone lax on streaming, being present, and an inspiring VTuber. I’ve taken it off my mind to not only relax but face some scary life choices and protect my dearest relationship.
If there’s at least a chance to healthily continue streaming, I think it comes with opening up about this and accepting whatever follows. I can’t keep setting expectations to be perfect when I’m not.
I experimented in the past with breaking my schedule (and being very dramatic about it) at the worst time when it was because I simply couldn’t do it. Personally, I’ve relatively found little cost in diverging from the routine of schedule and it’s removed pressure to be free, fit, prepared and excitable for streams and the shame of cancelling and give a positive approach to making good streams happen rather than cancelling bad ones.
I will be looking to take lots of time out and should I continue streaming, we’ll try something akin to now.
I talk about it a lot but perfectionism can be a real bane to living when it tells you to be 100% perfect 100% of the time or you’re nothing. Accept that your spirit and drive is wonderful and you care about what you do. You’ve probably worked incredibly hard to get where you are and not been fair on yourself to look back and see how far you’ve come. Cherish and don’t see your past successes be disappointed, see them happy you achieved what you have and support yourself.
I love you flowers, especially for sticking through so much with me. 🩵
We're off to a strong run this time around!!
We are still bound... but not yet broken!!!
Continuing this NOW w. @b3njaminwallace at the purple place!!!
NEW SERIES STARTING NOW!!!
@CrystaraVT and @b3njaminwallace are starring in a new Soullocke Randomiser run of a FireRed ROM hack! I'm new to this one, so we're in for an amazing surprise!
🎨 PNGs by StarlyFinnection on VGen! 🎨
🚨FRIENDS WHO LIKE DND🚨
I'm making it official! I'm gonna be learning how to DM on stream and I NEED PLAYERS!!!
Please fill out the google form so that I can see who is interested in participating. The sessions will be either weekly or bi-weekly.
Looking forward to being your new DM 😊
https://t.co/erUYqmxHRv
NEW SERIES STARTING NOW!!!
@CrystaraVT and @b3njaminwallace are starring in a new Soullocke Randomiser run of a FireRed ROM hack! I'm new to this one, so we're in for an amazing surprise!
🎨 PNGs by StarlyFinnection on VGen! 🎨
Come one come all, to the Pokémon championship celebration stream w/ @CrystaraVT and maybe a special guest later in. To celebrate our first soul-link win, come check it out if you wish.
https://t.co/NN711YSpoD
https://t.co/4o7XAcY3Ss
@NullifyVT Complete mood. Actually currently trying to work around this because I feel so guilty to reach out unless I know I can share enthusiasm or good news. 😅
Stepping in solo to prepare for Elite Four after over a YEAR of attempts in various ROMs! Come and say hi! 🩵
🎨 Spectissa (Model Ref) + StarlyFinnection (Hatterene + Bejamin's Sprite)
Stepping in solo to prepare for Elite Four after over a YEAR of attempts in various ROMs! Come and say hi! 🩵
🎨 Spectissa (Model Ref) + StarlyFinnection (Hatterene + Bejamin's Sprite)
❄️🦉IMPORTANT UPDATE🦉❄️
⚠️WARNING: GENDER DYSPHORIA⚠️
I’m gonna be honest, I’ve been terrified to make this post for a good while now. I’ve been afraid of the hate that would come from it, the amount of people saying “you sound like a man, you talk like a man, you act like a man��. But I don’t wanna be weighed down by that fear anymore, and this felt like the time to do it
I AM TRANS
I go by she/her, I also am fine with they/them but no he/him. I’ve had several people in collabs call me he/him even when I’ve mentioned the preferred and I won’t lie it always felt like my identity was being shut down. I know I don’t sound feminine, and those who’ve seen my face know I sure as hell don’t look fem.
But even still it’s who I am. I can’t out myself irl as I live in a setting where it would likely not end well, but I came up with this VTuber to be the me I want to be.
I feel disgusted when I look at myself in the mirror and see the masculine features I have, things that I can’t yet change without fear of severe consequences. I’ll see what I physically am and feel trapped behind the eyes of that shell. But when I saw a me that was feminine, I actually cried, it felt like I was seeing me and not my shell.
Ever since I first debuted my fem model it felt right, it felt like it was the embodiment of who I was. I hope one day to make more of an IRL transitions, but for now, the life that Nulli had given me is enough 🩵
I hope you all will stick with me as I grow into the woman I’ve always wanted to be. If you don’t like this announcement and wish to leave feel free to do so.
Thank you guys for reading this far. I love you all, and I look forward to continuing on with everyone knowing who I really am!
A REMINDER for fellow BRITISH VTubers and Streamers!! 🇬🇧🇬🇧
We are no longer in GMT! We are now in BST [British Summer Time] as of Saturday the 29th March!! Don't forget to swap your graphics over to the correct timezone, otherwise viewers won't be ontime to your streams!! <3
✨I'M STILL HERE!!✨
Little update, I've been really caught up with both work and health concerns over the last few months and things may have been quiet on this end and for that, I am truly sorry. 🙏
Currently coming to terms with a long term injury that'll affect a lot of things ahead but thankfully not my streaming when we make a proper comeback~.
Miss you guys so much and I'm working so hard to make some BIG changes for my health and working conditions.
🎨iamairika
It really does!!! That's it!!
In the midst of struggling with perfectionism and getting things for myself, I found much greater joy and fulfilment in gift-shopping for others.
I used to worry about only being helpful to others while being stuck myself a lot, but getting back into helping others, that's fulfilment in itself.
I think empathy plays a big part there. I can't solve people's problems, and I can't always cheer them up, but there are things we can do to make people happy!
🪻 Gifts are wonderful things! 🪻
Been looking back over gifts and joint pieces I’ve given/received and it’s really picked me up.
Sometimes when I’m feeling down it makes me happy to know that I can make someone else’s day and then I can go back to being happy myself.
Thank you @_NylVT for this and to everyone else. Be sure to gift yourselves something too and be your own amazing friend! 🩵
🎨 Mayuwi on VGen