CthulhuUK

For a candidate who tells you honestly that they will devour your children and destroy their future. The true Coalition of Chaos. Get Bragnarök done!

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

Dropping soon: Shoggoth! Uniting all humanity into a seething, roiling mass of anger, resentment and memes.

Musk. Zuckerberg. CthulhuUK. Why choose the lesser evil?

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

Since Twitter is now such a unidimensional shambler - and I say this with all due respect as an alien god of chaotic evil - I have decided to launch my own social media app.

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

One example of reform is in brain surgery, where we can have people who are not brain surgeons, like fanatical cultists, will do more brain surgery.

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

My enemy’s enemy is the guy I hope will tenderise my enemy nicely and then make a refreshing dessert.

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

Don’t listen to the prophets of doom! Fix your eyes on the glorious future and just carry on with your lives! Oh, and if you could just spill a little blood on this sigil? Wonderful!

#BragnarökIsComing

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

Starmer: ‘very real concerns’ that 5G masts allow alien mind control.

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

Starmer: woke archaeologists should ‘stop covering up the truth’ about Atlantis.

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

Starmer: ‘growing spaghetti on trees’ is really rather unhygienic.

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

Nothing less than absolute victory and total Bragnarök will do. As the mad Arab al-Hazred said, that is not dead which can eternal lie, and lie, and lie...

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

The sinister forces that stopped me, who’d dragged myself out of the slime with my own tentacles, from getting free meals for life and a nice robe.

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

@Irr_Orbit @PrincessNutnut1 @MimiJ9 Or simply eaten.

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

They are already Mine.

[Lena Wahlgren-Smith @lwahlgrensmith]

@ProfDaveAndress Surely the only religion most Tory MPs show any interest in is the cult of Mammon.

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

@chrisbrooke It’s not plagiarism if I have infected their minds.

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

@chrisbrooke “For as Great Cthulhu stirred in sunken R’lyeh, the dreams and thoughts of artists and other sensitives echoed one another to such an unhallowed degree that one must feel relief they could not compare notes, or many would surely have been seized by madness...”

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

University needs to hurt.

Childhood should be character-forming misery.

Workers are mollycoddled slackers.

Life is pain.

Get real, snowflakes! #BragnarökIsComing

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

Tories: we will repel boats of scrounging foreigners by building robot squid with razor tentacles fuelled by the bodies of leftie lawyers.

Labour: that’s ridiculous. We will deport leftie lawyers to Rwanda, and address very real concerns about immigration with killer jellyfish.

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

CthulhuUK: eradicate subversive thought with fear, pain and compulsory phonics. #BragnarökIsComing

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

Tories: new laws giving police power to arrest anyone suspected of carrying writing implements that could be used to write nasty things about the government.

Labour: we will give this legislation time to bed in, as many real people have genuine concerns about abusive language.

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

No more kings. You need no intermediary in your relationship with THIS dark alien god.

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

#NotYourKing #UnleashBragnarök

[CthulhuUK @Cthulhu4PM]

I DEMAND THE IMMEDIATE RELEASE OF MY ACOLYTES

[Polly Toynbee @pollytoynbee]

Unbelievable!! Graham Smith head of Republic has been arrested for unloading placards by Trafalgar Square. He and 6 volunteers are in the police station. This is new anti-protest laws in action..