Fidel Castro

El Comandante
First man to bring communism to the Western Hemisphere
A (possibly illegitimate) Father
All-around cool guy (whether you like it or not)

[Fidel Castro @Cuba_Rules]

Wow, what beautiful weather on this 25th day of November in the year 2016 A.D. I sure hope to see it tomorrow, granted nothing majorly detrimental to my health occurs today.

[Fidel Castro @Cuba_Rules]

Unfortunately, I regret to inform you that I will be stepping down, and my brother Raúl will be in charge. #ThisIsJustTheBeginning

[Fidel Castro @Cuba_Rules]

Being the swell man I am, I always gotta share the love. That’s why I’m helping out in places like Angola and Ethiopia, and spreading my message internationally. #BeKindJustBecause

[Fidel Castro @Cuba_Rules]

Just met with President Chávez, we’re gonna start trading some doctors for discounted oil. #SharingIsCaring 🤝

[Fidel Castro @Cuba_Rules]

Jeez guys, if you really want to leave Cuba THAT bad, then go ahead. Besides, who needs a daughter when you’re homies with the Pope? #Blessed

[Fidel Castro @Cuba_Rules]

Hey, so the Soviet Union kinda just collapsed, and now I sort of don’t get their subsidies they were giving me, so I may have to allow some free-market trade... 🤮

[Fidel Castro @Cuba_Rules]

I got a new title, I’m the president now! #Newtitlesameoldunquestionedandcompletelycontrollingandallpowerfulme! 😁

[Fidel Castro @Cuba_Rules]

Look, I’m a great leader of the people: Free education, health care, and jobs for everyone. So I don’t get why people are moving to the US. I mean, all I did was make the country a one-party state, and sure, the economy could be better, but still… come on.

[Fidel Castro @Cuba_Rules]

Feel betrayed rn 😢. The Soviet Union just pulled out all their missiles from Cuba… not happy. #CancelKhrushchev

[Fidel Castro @Cuba_Rules]

Huh, so a bunch of Cuban exiles tried to storm the Bay of Pigs… too bad they got destroyed. Bacon anyone? 🐷🍽️

[Fidel Castro @Cuba_Rules]

America didn’t invite me to their birthday party😡. I’m gonna nationalise U.S-owned businesses now, AND end diplomatic relations. Take that!

[Fidel Castro @Cuba_Rules]

After a trip to Mexico, massive loss of life, a yacht trip gone wrong, guerilla warfare, and a sprinkle of propaganda, the revolution was successful! Batista is gone, and I’m the premier! #26thofJulyMovement

[Fidel Castro @Cuba_Rules]

Fresh out of prison, my bro and I made it to Mexico, still trying to plot our sweet revenge. Also, I met a cool new friend. #MakeCubaGreatAgain

[Fidel Castro @Cuba_Rules]

Bruh, I became a candidate for a seat in the House of Representatives, but then this Batista guy took over and cancelled the election. #StopTheSteal

[Fidel Castro @Cuba_Rules]

Feeling bored, might invade the Dominican Republic and try to overthrow the dictator, maybe cause a riot or two in Colombia later.

[Fidel Castro @Cuba_Rules]

Yo! I just got accepted into the University of Havana! Gonna study law I think, though I'll probably focus on politics a bit.