Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader

An epic tale of violent disruption, rebellious romance, and the Apocalypse of 1994. Read it at

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

Sad to hear that Marjane Satrapi, author of Persepolis, passed away. She was only 56.

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

Well, the new Civ VII update was a disappointment. One of the two big ones is the ability to stay as the same civilization when you transitioned from one age to the next. I got used to the idea of switching civs because it did help alter the gameplay if you decided to switch winning strategies: maybe you were more about conquest in antiquity, but wanted to switch to building culture or economics during the age of exploration, so you chose a civ suited for that age. You can still do that in the update, but that ability to switch was kneecapped by the new update on victory conditions:

I was looking forward to the new victory conditions because I felt pursuing any condition became stale and boring, with science and economic victories essentially being the same: just a matter of pushing up your numbers in your respective disciplines. You built more banks or more laboratories than the competition and strived to build Great Wonders that augmented those buildings. If you didn't build the Great Wonder you wanted in time, you could just double down on the buildings and choose government traits that pushed the numbers in your direction.

In Civ 7, the cultural victory in just a race for your archaeologists to find a very limited number of artifacts before your competition did. If you didn't spam the map with three or four archaeologists you would lose out to the ones who did. There's no finesse, trade or luck involved in acquiring artifacts like in Civ 6. What made Civ 6 so fun was you needed your museums to be themed to be worth more tourism points, so you had to find a bunch of artifacts from the same age but from different civs, and your great works also had to have similar traits to be worth more (e.g., all portraits, but from different Great Artists). Then you could spawn rock bands using religion points and send them out to other civs to win over their tourists: it was a two pronged approach. Building national parks was another cool feature which compelled you to keep some land open instead of building on it.

In Civ 7, there's no relative value with the artifacts... one is just as good as another. In Civ 6, you could trade for great works or artifacts you needed to get a themed museum, or you could steal them with your spies.

With the update, the game forces you to choose your path early in the game, thus negating the fun in shifting strategies from one age to the other. If you wanted to maximize GPD growth in antiquity, but decided to switch to a cultural path in exploration, you are essentially starting over, because you've lost out on maximizing culture during antiquity. The old way gave you boosts that served you in the next age, but you could choose boosts you could parlay for a strategic switch. So for instance, say you chose the conquest path for antiquity and exploration, you could decide you wanted to settle down and do a science victory rather than to keep conquering. In the update, you're completely hamstrung if you want to spend your early years as a rough and tumble civ and then become more urbane once the discovery of flight is on the horizon.

There are a lot of cool features in Civ 7 that I wish were in Civ 6, like commanders and the ability to fine tune your governments, and I like how you deal with city states in Civ 7 better, but at the end of the day, and about 18 months after lunch, Civ 6 has proven to be a better game than its sequel.

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

I didn’t realize how many rabbits were in my neighborhood until I started taking our poodle puppy out for walks.

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

About to give Civ VII a new go, my first since their major update. There are many things I like about Civ VII, but at the end of the day, it just hasn't been as much fun as its predecessor.

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

This game was equal parts exhilarating and infuriating. Well mostly exhilarating. 😉

[exQUIZitely 🕹️ @exQUIZitely]

Were you a fan of this one?

UFO: Enemy Unknown, also known as X-COM: UFO Defense in the US, was one of the coolest games of the 90s. MicroProse published this sci-fi strategy classic in 1994, and it became an absolute cult hit. The music and sound effects still give me nerd chills - this game just oozes epicness.

Virtually all reviews gave it high 90% ratings, and Computer Gaming World called it the #1 sleeper hit of all time. It flew off the shelves with massive sales and is widely regarded as a cornerstone of strategy gaming.

Some games feel truly timeless. This is one of them.

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

I remember at my mom’s computer store they had that on demo and it was on one of those green monitors. I couldn’t see Sir Graham until I randomly struck keys and got him to move.

I played plenty of arcade games until that point but never a game where you could casually move a character around with nothing specific to do, like gobble up pellets or shoot aliens.

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

I always considered paper, the compass, the curved-plow, gunpowder, and MSG to be the top five Chinese inventions, but I learned today that MSG was invented in Japan.

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

I once wanted to tip a guitarist 10 bucks at a coffee shop if he'd end his set right then and there. Then I imagined him using that ten bucks for an actual guitar lesson, which then put him on the path of becoming a famous singer/songwriter. Years later, he writes and dedicates his magnum opus to the asshole who once paid him off just so he could sip his Vienna roast in peace and quiet. After a concert, he's having a beer incognito at a hotel bar. I see him and say, "ten bucks if you quit your tour right here and now." He looks up, sees me crack a smile, then he recognizes me and gives me a hug. He says, "you saved my life that day." And I go, "no, you saved mine."

In this fever dream, I'm not sure if we both say, "best ten bucks I ever spent" at the same time and then laugh at the irony. Maybe that's too corny.

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

@exQUIZitely What game made in the past five years do you think captures the spirit of yesteryear without being a sheer remake or a purposely retro-based graphics style.

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

I love cottage cheese. It’s the oatmeal of dairy.

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

Update: August 29th

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

So my soon-to-be-published softcover of Don't Tell My Wife I'm a Cult Leader is available for pre-order on Amazon, B&N, Books-a-Million, etc. It's pretty cool seeing that April 28th release date, knowing that there's a whole marketing and sales team devoted to getting my graphic novel into as many individuals as possible, in addition to as many brick-and-mortar stores as possible, especially indie comic book shops.

It's selling for 34.99, which is the same price I'm selling my hardcover for. So I feel like a heel asking my friends and family to pre-order one, especially if they already have the hardcover.

But in either case, it's all in the name of bringing attention to the IP, in the hopes of turning it into a TV series. Even if people don't bust down the doors to buy one, just seeing that it's not merely some dude's Kickstarter fever dream but an actual trade book that a real company took a chance on vastly increases the chances that Hollywood will take a good look at it. ✊

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

@exQUIZitely That and we’d be nostalgic for ANY games we played back then. The fact that we remember just a small number of them compared to all the games we played let alone were produced is proof that the game itself was great.

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

Folks, we're doomed.

I went to QT for a drink and saw a driverless car parked out front. I chuckled to myself, "why would a driverless car need to make a pit stop for a cold drink or potty break?"

So I go inside and boom, there he was, mopping floors.

Guys, if robots have to work two jobs to make ends meet, what's that gonna mean for the rest of us? 🤯

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

Coming soon! Book me on your show or podcast. I'm a great guest. 😘

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

I reread the first two chapters of my WIP after a couple of months, and it still holds up. I was afraid I'd come back and be a bit put off by it.

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

@annamead551 Mine’s coming out in May. https://t.co/kv9MEoXaTL

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

I saw a very long pharmaceutical ad about a drug that prevented you from getting HIV. It featured two men sharing a bedroom and they unironically talked about how the drug gives them peace of mind. I thought to myself that they are essentially admitting that they are in an open relationship. But I actually said that out loud with my family present because I can’t help myself. I don’t know if there’s a cure for that.

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

So my iPhone suggested that I journal about my visit to Great Clips yesterday. I think my own technology is making fun of me now, assuming I’m so lame that getting my haircut should be memorialized as one of my life’s highlights. Well, the joke’s on them, here it goes:

I logged onto the Great Clips app at 5pm and saw that it had no wait. Since I was 40 minutes away, I waited 20 minutes since I didn’t want to get booted as a no show.

After securing my place in line where the wait still showed zero minutes, the wait updated to 23 minutes and then to 28 minutes. When I arrived it was a five minute wait.

The Jamaican barber told me to sit down. We exchanged how do you dos and I told her my notes should say to buzz me on the sides and back and clip the hair on top about a half inch. She said how about I buzz your whole head? I already had my glasses off—and I’m blind—but I could tell she said that with a smile on her face.

I said “no I’m not joining the Army. The war isn’t that bad yet.” She bowled over laughing. I told her we’d have to be worn pretty thin before they drafted me, like after they sent out the last child soldier reserve column. She laughed some more and then I had to add, “of course they just raised the enlistment age to 42, so who knows.”

She stopped buzzing, “why did they do that?”

“Who knows, who knows?” I said… a very common phrase heard at the barber chair.

Then she brought up Nancie Guthrie and wondered if she was still alive. I told her I haven’t followed because people get kidnapped and murdered every day and I didn’t know who she or her daughter was before it all happened. I told her there’s way cooler stuff in the news anyway.

She asked like what. I told her they are relaunching the moon program tomorrow and if all goes well the astronauts will be the farthest from earth anyone has traveled.

She wondered aloud why she had not heard about it. I told her it’s because it’s good news that the whole country could get behind and that’s against the rules. She asked what rules. I told her I was being facetious but god forbid the media promotes anything unifying; maybe it’s bad for ratings. Or maybe we should just tune out the whole crapfest, know what I’m saying? Like why not do something positive about Easter as we head into Sunday along with wall to wall coverage on our moonshot.

I was thankful she went back to the kidnapping because don’t get me started on how we’re all being manipulated by organizations that funnel trillions annually into thought control.

Then she asked me how I liked to part my hair. I told her just make it go up like Kip’s Big Boy style but use mousse instead of pomade. I’m surprised she knew what I meant, but she did.

We were done. I gave her a ten dollar tip as I always do and she wished me a happy Easter. I bet had I not brought up Easter she wouldn’t have said that.

That it for now. I’m guessing Journal’s next prompt will be about the time last week when I picked up two loads of dog doo with the same bag. 💩

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

I keep thinking how cool it would be to read a history book about this time period fifty years from now written by an acclaimed, but disinterested author.

So I imagined a scenario where a time traveler visited me and I asked him to go to the year 2076 and get me the bestselling book on the 2020s.

So poof he flashes in and out and hands me two books and says, “here are the two most popular editions of the book in question.”

I look at them and see that one is in Arabic and the other is in Chinese and I go, “gosh, I guess I should have asked for the English edition.”

Then the time traveler pauses and is like, “uhhhhhhh…” and then my eyes get all wide and I go, “ruh oh!”

[Don't Tell My Wife I’m a Cult Leader @CultLeaderX]

One upside about ubiquitous AI is that I hardly see any of those CAPTCHAs any more. Whether it's clicking on all the tiles with a bicycle in it or trying to discern the wavy letters and numbers in a mishmash of colors and patterns.