Carl

a modern hillbilly.

[Carl @CurlyPothook]

my new obsession is getting all the doctors i work with to create a NYT games account so they join my leader board for the mini crossword puzzle just so i know that im ANNIHILATING them

[Carl @CurlyPothook]

@jjaayyddaa The character development!!

[Carl @CurlyPothook]

why did season 4 of sex education make me cry like 15 times

[Carl @CurlyPothook]

are you ever attracted to a very problematic/unstable character and you’re just like, well they’re not real so no sense in trying to unpack THAT? richie from “the bear” does something to me, and that scares me.

[Carl @CurlyPothook]

im so bad at flirting. all i know how to do is be mean to men. but i also like to do that just for fun so it’s very hard to tell what it is im doing at any time.

[Carl @CurlyPothook]

@Codyody242 They always want what they can’t have..

[Carl @CurlyPothook]

the weirdest thing that men consistently make fun of me for is using an umbrella…the very unoriginal and constant question of “what? are you worried that you’re going to melt?” like what if i am?? i am very sweet and delicious and i don’t want to get wet, ya jagoff!

[Carl @CurlyPothook]

me: i think i’m going to try casting a spell on him to see if i can get him to do what i want.

dad: why don’t you just call him on the phone and ask him he’s planning on doing?

me: don’t be ridiculous!!

[Carl @CurlyPothook]

fireworks are boring!!! they would be so much better if they just lit them all off at the same time and they lasted 30 seconds as opposed to 20 minutes!! this shouldn’t be controversial! I’m convinced everyone is faking it!

[Carl @CurlyPothook]

how many times have you watched tom holland and zendaya sing “love on top” to each other at the beyoncé concert bc if it’s not 20 million times i CANNOT RELATE to you

[Adam @adamgreattweet]

Orcas have done more for social justice than the Supreme Court has this year

[Carl @CurlyPothook]

a question to all the other physician assistants out there. Is it normal for your attending to have a picture of your feet set as his wallpaper background? asking for a friend!!!

[Carl @CurlyPothook]

quite literally me watching season 3 of succession

[Carl @CurlyPothook]

*radiologist calls me to tell me about an abnormal image*: AHHHHHHHHHH. THIS is FUCKED. like ive truly never seen anything WORSE. i can’t even tell WHAT im looking at. is this person ALIVE??? you all are DOOMED and should be TERRIFIED.
anyway, have a great day! xoxox

[Carl @CurlyPothook]

taking 800mg of ibuprofen three times a day for many days could honestly be detrimental to your health but goddammit does it make you feel good.

[Carl @CurlyPothook]

im writing this tweet for future me to remind her not to get bangs again.

[paige @BonerWizard]

My 11 month-old son saw the pride merchandise in our local Target- immediately said “mama, I am woke and gay now” and then he did the worm

[Carl @CurlyPothook]

@0hmm_rs This is somehow worse than Josh’s response.

[Carl @CurlyPothook]

the best part of the boob is under.