Curtis Spiliotis

I’m sorry but that is very funny to me.

[Curtis Spiliotis @CurtisSpil]

@TimmyTwoShirts American Chop Suey… Cooked it for a chick on a date, it was delicious, but she could clearly taste the flavor of broke required to cook it. And that ingredient did not sit well with her the next day.

[Curtis Spiliotis @CurtisSpil]

@SamJayComic That shit is American Chop Suey… most high class meal an 11 year old could make for dinner home alone. Also easily capable of feeding up to 20 people easily if times are tough in the house.

[Curtis Spiliotis @CurtisSpil]

@SamJayComic Y’all motherfuckas can’t match my hustle

[Curtis Spiliotis @CurtisSpil]

@SheaSerrano That’s when you hit ‘em with “Ya, but I didn’t miss with your mom, because I made you, so I still hit sometimes.”- Last time I ever trash talked my dad, I was 8.

[Curtis Spiliotis @CurtisSpil]

Shit, I’m being visited by three ghosts.-They’re claiming to be from the past, present, and future.- I guess I gotta go deal with this, later!

[Curtis Spiliotis @CurtisSpil]

@ryenarussillo @NathanCHubbard GZA is dope! But GZA is Westbrook, and HOV is the three point line. I know he’s not scared but he shouldn’t have that kind of confidence. We’ve seen the 3pt numbers.

[Curtis Spiliotis @CurtisSpil]

I wish everyone could see the ass whooping I’m doing on this deodorant. 48hrs of protection, I’m sweating through you and I’m getting kinda smelly in 2hrs flat now. With hard work I think next spring I can be under an hour.

[Curtis Spiliotis @CurtisSpil]

If NFT’s were people I’d buy a shit load of Adele’s right now

[Curtis Spiliotis @CurtisSpil]

Everybody loves someone who genuinely loves what they do.

[Curtis Spiliotis @CurtisSpil]

Everyone they get to be on local news is from a “Blue collar town” or a “workin’ city.” They never have a white collar citizen yelling profanities at the field correspondent. They above it, or just never asked?

[Curtis Spiliotis @CurtisSpil]

@SamJayComic He didn’t even have to fuck him up, he just hit that old man with a judo move! The greatest!

[Curtis Spiliotis @CurtisSpil]

You ever had a dad make you sandwich? Sorry, a “good” sandwich? I’ve had a few “what it’s fine” sandwich’s too from dads, but mostly got “you know where the fridge is” Sandwich’s.

[Curtis Spiliotis @CurtisSpil]

@DanteOrange Man too many of these joints!…The “impressed with your background” but are “going to pursue more qualified candidates” only confuses me, it needs to stop. I’d rather they leave those phrases in the void where I assume all my resumes, QL’s, scripts, go that I’ve emailed them.

[Curtis Spiliotis @CurtisSpil]

RIP to Norm Macdonald, one of the greatest, most creative, innovative, and more importantly funniest people/comics to ever walk to earth. Every comic in the world revered him for how funny he truly was. Damn.

[Curtis Spiliotis @CurtisSpil]

The most likable version of me is Roy Kent

[Curtis Spiliotis @CurtisSpil]

I'm on a separate OnlyFans for feet called; head, shoulders, OnlyFans and toes, OnlyFans and toes.

[Curtis Spiliotis @CurtisSpil]

You guys ever tuck your socks in between your pinky toe and the rest of your toes to make it look like you have hooves like pigs?… I’ll just eat this apple while I wait your response.

[Curtis Spiliotis @CurtisSpil]

@LizGalalis I’d definitely be interested, great idea.

[Curtis Spiliotis @CurtisSpil]

If you pick a place where I have to valet my car just to break up with me it’s you who also sucks

[Curtis Spiliotis @CurtisSpil]

@wojespn @ZachLowe_NBA If this show checked into the game the opposing coach would yell out “shooters!”