Curtis X Meyer

Just another unforgivable genius g-checking the zeitgeist.

Haiku: If you make me rich / I guarantee you will be / the last one to die.

[Curtis X Meyer @CurtisXMeyer]

For civil rights, voting rights, and economic freedom for all. Today, we #MarchonWashington. http://t.co/EIOyt0L9nA

[Curtis X Meyer @CurtisXMeyer]

Gravity is no excuse.

[Curtis X Meyer @CurtisXMeyer]

I really hope Lupe didn't forget the part about how Barack Obama hates black people.

Can't wait 'til he's snatching mics from Selena Gomez.

[Curtis X Meyer @CurtisXMeyer]

A suicide-prevention hotline for small, woodland rodents called Lemming Aid.

I’m a genius.

[Curtis X Meyer @CurtisXMeyer]

My new prayer:

"Dear Lord, prevent me from saying some real shit today, as I'm sure to ignite response from those who need to hear it."

[Curtis X Meyer @CurtisXMeyer]

Pumpkin swishers.

WHOA. NEEDS TA BE A THING. Challah at me world. Let's make this me-as-a-Brazilianaire thing happen. #AllPumpkinEverything

[Curtis X Meyer @CurtisXMeyer]

The upcoming sitcom 1600 Penn will share the exploits of a fictional first family.

I only wonder if America's ready for a White president.

[Curtis X Meyer @CurtisXMeyer]

To my allies: A Happy Thanksgiving.

To the rest of you: A Happy Shanxgiving.

[Curtis X Meyer @CurtisXMeyer]

Being underappreciated is the best way of proving you’re overqualified.

[Curtis X Meyer @CurtisXMeyer]

Are my split personalities behaving particularly narcissistic today, or is it just us?

[Curtis X Meyer @CurtisXMeyer]

Fire tornados had a good run, but thunder volcanos are my new favorite natural disaster.

Yes, both're real things. Google image search.

[Curtis X Meyer @CurtisXMeyer]

Apparently Lemmy called Mitt Romney a "monster." Whoa.

Now I know what warthogs have nightmares about.

[Curtis X Meyer @CurtisXMeyer]

Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: The fish!

[Curtis X Meyer @CurtisXMeyer]

If fugly can be a word, falafel should be one too.

As in, “I feel completely falafel about running over yer cat with that steamroller.”

[Curtis X Meyer @CurtisXMeyer]

It's a little mouthy, but there still needs to be a rapper named MC Oscar Wilde Styles.

[Curtis X Meyer @CurtisXMeyer]

wants to open an all-hours breakfast diner called Amazing Grease.

[Curtis X Meyer @CurtisXMeyer]

wants a Māori hook (Hei Matau) made of Moldavite.

Of course, I’d probably need one ta get one. :/

[Curtis X Meyer @CurtisXMeyer]

The first woman to invent pumpkin-flavored hot chocolate gets my hand in marriage. Or haiku. Whichever ups her credit. #AllPumpkinEverything

[Curtis X Meyer @CurtisXMeyer]

It shouldn't even be called autumn. It should be called Pumpkin and Hoodies. #AllPumpkinEverything

[Curtis X Meyer @CurtisXMeyer]

In the tradition of 2 Chainz, there needs ta be a rapper named 3 Nex.