DruPacalypse

I was voted, wait does he go to our school? in my yearbook

[DruPacalypse @D2BMcG]

There was this one time, about 8 years ago, that I needed a nap that I've just not recovered from.

[DruPacalypse @D2BMcG]

Did anyone call limp bizkit out or did we all just take the highway?

[DruPacalypse @D2BMcG]

@mydmac It's alright, apparently they knew my mother

[DruPacalypse @D2BMcG]

Spent the day with people that seemed to be at the funeral for the wrong person

[DruPacalypse @D2BMcG]

So I was either away for four years, or you started retweeting shit or both... you decide

[DruPacalypse @D2BMcG]

Life's going well, just burped fire

[DruPacalypse @D2BMcG]

Had to ask my wife how to tweet

That's how old I am

[Sasshole @RidiculousSheri]

Ariel: I’ve got gadgets & gizmos aplenty, I’ve got whozits & whatzits galore

Middle Aged White Woman: HELLO 911 THERE IS A BLACK MERMAID WITH SOME STUFF IN A CAVE

Ariel: You want thingamabobs, I’ve got 20

MAWW: OH MY GOD NOW SHE HAS 20 THINGAMABOBS PLEASE HURRY I’M SO SCARED

[Fickle Filly @Fickle_Filly]

Whoever came up with the phrase “There’s no such thing as a stupid question” owes me a sincere apology for the amount I’ve answered today.

[Pugnado 🐾🌪 @LuvPug]

I've never understood why the shittiest people get special places in Hell

[DruPacalypse @D2BMcG]

The older I get, the more I worry I haven't walked down enough roads to be called a man.

[Trey @treydayway]

It's lucky it's not a great black shark https://t.co/t9FYKTXO5s

[Spazio🇵🇸 @Spaziotwat]

[Last Supper]
Jesus:"We need 13 chairs please"
Judas:"But chairs don't fall into common usage until the 16th century AD"
Jesus:"AD?"

[WryBry @WryBry]

Tweeters whose bios read "must be 18", I have disappointing news. Some of your followers are older.

[NOT A WOLF @SICKOFWOLVES]

I FEEL LIKE THERE IS A SLIGHT CHANCE THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN DISHONEST WITH US

[The_martinigirl @The_MartiniGirl]

Pretty sure I’ve reached that age where everything keeps me up at night.

[jackothy @HansGrubertron]

TERMINATOR: I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle

ME: *gliding past on heelys* Do you need anything from me?

[The Queen’s Heart 🍱 ×͜× 💙💚🪩💪🏻🇺🇸♥️ @thequeensheart]

Pasta is medicinal isn’t it?

[Skinnie Talls @SkinnieTalls]

Sometimes the craziest thing to do would be adhering to someone else's version of sanity.