DALIA MALEK ☥

COMEDIAN WHO WEARS SHORTS ON STAGE. PLANT-BASED GOD. NOT YOUR HOMIE. HOST OF @Interruptionsss. MY BUTT HAS A SEPARATE ACCOUNT @DaliaButt

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

Now that my blue check is gone i can go back to freely posting ignorant tweets without being confused with someone who’d pay for twitter blue

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

Gentlemen, let us settle our disagreement respectfully through the time-honored institution of sending our nation's teenagers to slaughter your nation's women and children

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

Someone fraudulently named "dalia" is getting canceled on bluesky & i don't know the context but as the only true dalia i'm joining the side that doesn't besmirch the glorious name of dalia with falsehoods & transgressions

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

It’s good to know that the people who used to reply to joke tweets with fact checks on here have found their people here at whatever this is

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

If you want to know if 2 people who have the same first name are 2 different people, you can take a lil look at their last names & faces & if those aren’t the same you’ve got 2 people, let me know if you get stuck

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

Disgusted every time i open this app & see paragraphs

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

@notfolu did you create this & then target me with it https://t.co/Dp4aZCPi7o

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

Oh the weather outside is frightful the fire inside is frightful the people inside are frightful the atmosphere inside is frightful the conv

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

I AM NOT A RAPPER & I NEVER WAS

[a u d r e y @postphantasm]

@DALIA yeah are you still a rapper

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

I AM NOT A RAPPER & I WILL NOT BE DROPPING A MIXTAPE

[Dick from Dyke🦕🦖 @butt_genius]

@DALIA yeah still waiting on that mix tape to drop 🥺

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

Are you still on twitter

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

Are movie screeners still a thing

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

This year i started finding cats kinda cute, is this what people mean by “biological clock”

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

@monaeltahawy me too actually !

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

Let the bees lead us to peace

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

May we learn from the bees & aspire to their elite level of revenge

[BrianMier @BrianMteleSUR]

Former Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro was attacked by bees yesterday and had to abruptly end a speech he was making to a few hundred supporters.

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

Venmo me and you’ll get crypto

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

Saw a female comedian performing in a pants suit, HOWEVER DO YOU DO, MOST SOPHISTICATED FOREIGN SECRETARY OF DICK JOKE NATION, PLEASE REST YOUR LAPELS BETWEEN THE ANTIQUE STAINS IN THE GREEN ROOM TIL IT’S TIME TO DO A PORTION OF OR EVEN THE ENTIRETY OF 1 HOUR OF WORK FOR THE DAY

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

@BeeBabs noticed something colorful the bristol old vic ❤️

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

@BBC_HaveYourSay does the scrapping of nhs england mean i’ll get refunded the bajillions of pounds i spent on the nhs surcharge i was required to pay when i applied for my uk visa

[DALIA MALEK ☥ @DALIA]

If joe biden was alive today he would praise the way the british prime minister makes the right wish they’d come up with his ideas