Dan

26 (He/Him). Black lives matter. 😈🐈🌈

[Dan @DANIELBADASP]

Whenever I drive by a car that is playing Five Finger Death Punch I get the fuck out of their way because have you ever met someone who likes 5FDP that isn’t drunk ALL THE FUCKING TIME?

[Andrew Lawrence @ndrew_lawrence]

when they call tim walz “far left” they mean “provided school children with food”

[Dan @DANIELBADASP]

@EndWokeness @elonmusk It has like the hottest men though.

[ClownCafé: Markey🐗⚔️ @morewingspls]

Typa shit I been on lately fr

[Dan @DANIELBADASP]

I don’t drink anymore, but Fireball by Pitbull sounds like it would be an amazing song to drunk drive to.

[Dan @DANIELBADASP]

The official marketing slogan for Zoloft should be: “Zoloft, those loose pills at the bottom of your drawer that are still there from high school.”

[Dan @DANIELBADASP]

For tonight’s performance, I will eat an edible, and proceed to freak out while watching Criminal Minds.

[Dan @DANIELBADASP]

Every time a guy on Grindr with no profile picture messages me, I am so tempted to set up a hookup and the second I see him just go “Nah fuck this, you look nothing like your profile picture” and then just leave.

[Dan @DANIELBADASP]

@mattquatch Oh god, especially the first one on the right

[Dan @DANIELBADASP]

@SNFonNBC @Vikings Randy Moss with AD being a close second. Hopefully JJ surpasses both of them within the next decade though!

[Dan @DANIELBADASP]

I have never met a group of people that is more confidently wrong than people who think smoking is safer than vaping.

[Dan @DANIELBADASP]

I bet if I went to an escape room and just left my vape outside, I would SHATTER the world record for fastest time to get out of an escape room.

[Dan @DANIELBADASP]

Dyed my hair blonde, and now I really want to hit someone with my car.

[Dan @DANIELBADASP]

For tonight’s performance, I will take 50mg Seroquel and eat an entire box of Cliff Bars.

[Dan @DANIELBADASP]

I turn 27 tomorrow, which means it’s time to make my family nervous with a bunch of jokes about joining the 27 club.

[Dan @DANIELBADASP]

I love how the TSA found my kratom bag in my carry on and told me to put it in my checked bag next time because “A bag of powder is something we will find every time,” and then they proceeded to not find the exact same bag when I flew back with it in my carry on a week later.

[Dan @DANIELBADASP]

For my ‘States I have visited’ map, does Colorado count if I only had a layover there and didn’t leave the airport?

[Dan @DANIELBADASP]

Going to finally visit a legal state rec dispensary this weekend, and going to try my hardest not to spend all my money on $70 an 8th top shelf weed.

[Dan @DANIELBADASP]

Remember when Miley was caught smoking weed, and had to say it was salvia because weed was still illegal? Like how illegal was weed back then to make salvia an acceptable cover up?