Del Evans

[Del Evans @DBo456]

#smaliverpool What’s your beeeef?!!!

[Del Evans @DBo456]

Kid: *Coughs*
Me: I’d better keep a close eye on this. I shall be experiencing this virus but 100 times worse in the next 24-48 hours. 😬

[D Attenborough @Attenboroughs_D]

Now I wasn’t expecting that!

[Del Evans @DBo456]

I wonder at what point in my adult life I’ll stop trying to put my car key in other people’s cars, thinking they’re mine, only to discover that I parked in the other row… 🤔

[Del Evans @DBo456]

#MildlyCurseRishiSunak May your Wifi connection always be hit-and-miss, so that you have to scroll Twitter using mobile data…

[Del Evans @DBo456]

@HMRCcustomers I do not owe you tax. I only have one job. Please update your records and take me off the emergency tax code asap. PM me please. Thanks.

[Del Evans @DBo456]

@HMRCcustomers - Can you please explain why you have randomly changed my tax code and are suddenly charging me more for no apparent reason?

[Del Evans @DBo456]

Time for another round of “Just because it’s light outside, that doesn’t mean it’s not bedtime”. I might record the conversation this time so that I can save my voice for the rest of the summer…

[Del Evans @DBo456]

Hi @Dorothy_Perkins I notice that the dress that I bought last year for £12 (and that you failed to send to me twice) is now priced at almost double its original price, under a different description. Exactly the same dress, though. Is that why you wouldn’t send it to me?

[Matt Lucas HQ @RealMattLucas]

good morning

[Del Evans @DBo456]

Tonight I am working on being more positive about things. So, instead of thinking ‘why the f won’t my child go the f’ing f to sleep?!’ I am now thinking ‘this is a lovely lullaby album, and I’ve had the pleasure of listening to it three times tonight’…

[Aldi Stores UK @AldiUK]

Marks & Snitches more like. #FreeCuthbert

[Mark Hamill @MarkHamill]

I think Luke & Han are lucky Leia took over their "rescue" on the Death Star or it would've been a very short movie.

[Del Evans @DBo456]

Setting off on my #MemoryWalk 😊😊

[Susie Dent @susie_dent]

This might be the day for a reminder of 'empleomania': the overweening and manic desire to hold public office, at any cost.

[Greta Thunberg @GretaThunberg]

So ridiculous. Donald must work on his Anger Management problem, then go to a good old fashioned movie with a friend! Chill Donald, Chill!

[Macaulay Culkin @IncredibleCulk]

Just staying Covid-safe wearing by the flayed skin of my younger self.

Don't forget to wear your masks, kids.

[Del Evans @DBo456]

Ghostly apparition appears in my bedroom...
Me: Oh thank god! For a minute I thought one of my kids had woken up...

[Susie Dent @susie_dent]

Should you need it, ‘mubble-fubbles’ is a 16th-century term for a feeling of despondency and a sense of impending doom.