julianne simitz

TRNN, jimmy kimmel live, cbsdiversity✍🏼 @WGAWest 🎬 @austinfilmfest #SecondRounder 🤠 creator @theclitorati 🎙developer relationships + ideas✨#comedy #politics

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

THEM: “So, you’re a comedian? What’s that like?”

ME:

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

No matter what happens today, I got a sick tan working at the polls so at least I’ll look HOT for the Civil War 🥵🤣🤪😭

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

Tim Waltz checks more boxes than a gynecologist ✅😆 let’s goooo! #HarrisWaltz2024

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

I mean, he’s no Tim Kaine but…

🤪😂🤣😭 #HarrisWalz2024

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

Super? More like Mids Bowl AT BEST

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

Cry January going GREAT 😭

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

Perfect metaphor for DC tbh 💁‍♀️

[Kyle Stewart @KyleAlexStewart]

The three rats carrying their dinner really make this photo.

All I wanted was a nice picture of the Union Station wreaths.

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

@sweetwaterbrew Helpful 🤣😭🤪

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

@sweetwaterbrew settle a v contentious bar debate? What COLOR is your Hazy IPA can??

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

Eagles game got more flags than the U.N. 😅🦅😭

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

Not my kicker having more pts than my QB rn 😅🤣😭 #fantasy #week4

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

😂🏈💚🦅🤍🤣

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

yeah, LA is cool but have you tried going 1132 days without meeting a single influencer?? 💅

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

Do you think we call our partners "baby" because we want to love and care for and nurture them OR because, several times a day, we're forced to see their poop? 🥴

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

@ask_aubry Her OBGYN was in my old office building. Rode the elevator with her when she was pregnant af with her first son, and yet… 🙄

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

Okay, so I'm not an alien (as far as I know) BUT they did tell me that Earth is the Florida of the Universe—and I believe ‘em!

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

In a relationship and just found out I’m legally required to say “babe” no less than 7,531 times per day 🥰 (pls send help)

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

Ayyye 🥳🪩📲 https://t.co/a6qm4mFqfG

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

😐😐😐

[Kevín @KevOnStage]

So there’s no host because of the writers strike. But the presenters are reading off a teleprompter. So who wrote that?

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

@Ramsey_Campbell @Ed_Ackerman YOURE WELCOME 😆

[julianne simitz @DCjulesdoesLA]

At the bar waiting for a beer, this older YT dude chats me up. Says he was going to a concert but found out the performer was a “transvestite” and he didn’t want to see “that freaky shit.” Next breath homeboy explains that last wknd he saw an awesome David Bowie tribute band 🤦‍♀️