Daniel J. Roberts

2018 Motor Trend Truck of the Year

[Daniel J. Roberts @DJRoberts84]

Man Phish is the only band that has caused me to hug strangers standing beside me.

[Daniel J. Roberts @DJRoberts84]

All 8 billion people in the world seek happiness except the people who follow me on social media…..for they have found it

[Daniel J. Roberts @DJRoberts84]

@TheFlenser ‘The Battle of Los Angeles’ - Rage Against the Machine

[Daniel J. Roberts @DJRoberts84]

@weslivingston Congrats my dude that’s huge

[The Iron Sheik @the_ironsheik]

DAMAR HAMLIN I LOVE YOU AND PRAY FOR YOU

[Daniel J. Roberts @DJRoberts84]

Just saw Frozen. But enough about my ex-wife ;)

[Daniel J. Roberts @DJRoberts84]

I just realized something about the Saved By The Bell theme song. He says “I’m at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by.” The bus “flies by” which means the bus driver A) was never gonna stop and B) was speeding which is unsafe for children. He should have been reported.

[Daniel J. Roberts @DJRoberts84]

Here’s a promise - if a scuba shop is within sprinting distance of the ocean and they let me try stuff on I’m not paying for a thing.

[Daniel J. Roberts @DJRoberts84]

My favorite country whose name means ‘your butt’ is probably Djibouti. Hi, I turn 35 tomorrow.

[Daniel J. Roberts @DJRoberts84]

if this gets 10,000 likes I will replace Trevor Noah on The Daily Show.

[Gwdihŵ 🦉 @youwouldknow]

sci-fi is when you drink blue milk. fantasy is where you drink brown soup

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Family Watches In Silence As Dad Checks Out Waitress https://t.co/yWGep42Arm

[Daniel J. Roberts @DJRoberts84]

Fair warning to anyone thinking about texting me- I use BBL to mean “be back later” AND “Brazilian butt lift”

[Daniel J. Roberts @DJRoberts84]

Converted all of my VHS tapes to Christianity

[Daniel J. Roberts @DJRoberts84]

I’ve never done ecstasy but I have been one of the first 25 people to like a Billie Eilish Instagram photo.

[Daniel J. Roberts @DJRoberts84]

I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Birmingham zoo.

[Daniel J. Roberts @DJRoberts84]

Not all white people die in hot air balloon accidents, but only white people die in hot air balloon accidents.

[bobby @bobby]

when you're on vacation and you come back from the beach with a slight sunburn like you feel it but it doesn't hurt really and you shower and get dressed up "vacation formal" so you can go out to a kind of good but not amazing italian restaurant. that's a top 10 human experience.

[Daniel J. Roberts @DJRoberts84]

@kamarbut @BradRobertsAU Hey…..we’re waiting Ken

[Daniel J. Roberts @DJRoberts84]

[an NFL scout watches grainy tape of my spin move after a wasp lands on my cone at Dairy Queen] “This guy is the real deal.”