Surly

I'm a terrible person. My mom says I'm not funny.

[Surly @DJSLEAZY]

@benshapiro

[Surly @DJSLEAZY]

@NancyPelosi @HouseGOP Are you completely insane or just a liar? None of those people are allowed to have a CC permit. Retire. Please. You're an embarrassment.

[Surly @DJSLEAZY]

Mike Rainey is crowdrising for Help End the Backlog of Unprocessed Rape Kits: https://t.co/vfWe3J4PvV

[Surly @DJSLEAZY]

My Black Friday tradition is seeing corn in my morning dump, and having a laugh.

#BlackFridayTraditions

[Surly @DJSLEAZY]

@WellsFargo do you have a customer disservice number? I'm curious to see how much more helpful they would be than your CSR's.

[Surly @DJSLEAZY]

@WellsFargo who handles your security? The only way it could be worse would be if you sold your customer's info to identity thieves.

[Surly @DJSLEAZY]

@WellsFargo It's a shame your hours are the opposite of convenient, since it's impossible to get anyone on the phone that speaks English.

[Surly @DJSLEAZY]

@WellsFargo why is your bank so awful? Consistent identity theft issues & customer service never speaks English.

[Surly @DJSLEAZY]

@POTUS what's better, kittens or bacon? Trick question! They're both awesome! For different reasons, though. Please don't eat kittens.

[Surly @DJSLEAZY]

@POTUS I wish we were BFFs and had our own private elaborate handshake. Let's make that happen.

[Surly @DJSLEAZY]

@POTUS my Mom says I'm handsome. Do you agree? Do you think I'm sexy? Can we snuggle?

[Surly @DJSLEAZY]

#PorchDick #WindowDick Rick wants to give that #MotherDick

[Surly @DJSLEAZY]

I never realized how much I liked @marcmaron until I watched his show. Fucking brilliant.

[Surly @DJSLEAZY]

Thanks to sailoreddietattoo for the awesome new ink. As you can clearly see, it made me less surly… http://t.co/Cc7LxjOLTF

[Surly @DJSLEAZY]

@billburr

[Surly @DJSLEAZY]

Wonder why a Stormtrooper is black if they're clones? You're racist. Boycott movie with white people playing Egyptians? You're anti racist.

[Surly @DJSLEAZY]

@midnight #XmasListIn3Words AIDS Deflector Shield.

[Surly @DJSLEAZY]

Could be worse. They could have been eating taint meat. #TheWalkingDead

[Surly @DJSLEAZY]

Still the greatest review I've ever read. http://t.co/70O53vKS8U