DAN PFAU

I am not the eggman. I am not the walrus.

[DAN PFAU @DPFAU]

ODDS: 5:2--20 years from now my @SodaStreamUSA will be known as the @LaCroixer

[DAN PFAU @DPFAU]

Instead of participating in @ESPNFantasy sports I'm checking out the various GIFs people have posted in anger over @ESPNFantasy malfunction

[DAN PFAU @DPFAU]

RIP Gene

[DAN PFAU @DPFAU]

Re-downloading Tinder as a couple to manually delete your profiles so they stop appearing without your knowledge is the new getting engaged

[DAN PFAU @DPFAU]

@amarakaran and all the actors on The Night Of are amazing. But the eczema research team/make up dept. deserves all awards there are

[DAN PFAU @DPFAU]

For the many who've been waiting for a tv show to come along about John Turturro struggling w foot eczema, look no further than The Night Of

[DAN PFAU @DPFAU]

If you are playing a game on your phone against someone with the username hoofarted you're playing against me

[DAN PFAU @DPFAU]

Why are we still focused on trump hands when trump rooster throat is just as disgusting. #tuckoruntucked

[DAN PFAU @DPFAU]

Antonio sabato jr. Thinks he's being blacklisted as an actor because of RNC appearance, not because he is Antonio Sabato Jr. #sad

[DAN PFAU @DPFAU]

Take away all the charm and élan of Roger Sterling and keep the white hair and early 60s fashion and you have Mike Pence

[DAN PFAU @DPFAU]

No doubt Kanye is a genius but if he's the reason Mike Meyers hasn't made another Austin Powers sequel it will diminish his legacy #yeahbaby

[DAN PFAU @DPFAU]

Here's a neat trick- spend an entire day underground coloring footage of yourself, then go to bed. The Malkovich like nightmares are great

[DAN PFAU @DPFAU]

Little known fact: the role of Mike Ehrmantraut was originally written for NBA coaching legend Pat Riley

[DAN PFAU @DPFAU]

Not sure if there's anything better than Dustin Hoffman in Kramer vs Kramer.

[DAN PFAU @DPFAU]

Everyone should watch Black Market on Viceland hosted by @BKBMG sincere and honest, really interesting show

[DAN PFAU @DPFAU]

Sorry I was late guys I was taking a crap - Paul Newman

[DAN PFAU @DPFAU]

It's hot! Too hot! - Dark Helmet

[DAN PFAU @DPFAU]

It's a real shame I don't work a 9-5 cause I look good in a suit

[DAN PFAU @DPFAU]

Had a dream last night that I nailed the opening lick to Tennessee Jed and Jerry was impressed

[DAN PFAU @DPFAU]

Scary thought: rabbit tastes like chicken, cats are basically rabbits with shorter ears and more intense eyes-ergo, cats probably taste good