Kristen Rascher

Just your below-average, hot-mess, dog enthusiast, with no sense of direction in life.

[Kristen Rascher @DaShortLezzy]

Phaedra: “I imagined trying to love it...but it imagine THAT crawling under our covers at night...” like I fucking died y’all. https://t.co/cWqwkamuVD

[Kristen Rascher @DaShortLezzy]

Just referred to a baby as a womb tenant. Just another reason I shouldn’t be a mother 😂 #wombtenant #nothanks #thatchildwouldneedtherapy

[Kristen Rascher @DaShortLezzy]

@bitterbuffalo_ @L3X1NGT0N I am far but I still here ❤️❤️

[Kristen Rascher @DaShortLezzy]

@theatlasmarch_ I can’t believe I only saw this now, hahaha

[Kristen Rascher @DaShortLezzy]

So Phaye started crying because she felt bad for eating a cupcake that I wanted(while not knowing I wanted it). Like...😂😂😂

[Kristen Rascher @DaShortLezzy]

Feeling like a bad cat-mom cause I realize I have a favourite child. #sos #favouritechild #parenthoodaintforme

[Kristen Rascher @DaShortLezzy]

@bitterbuffalo_ In my defence. I was very very stoned.

[Kristen Rascher @DaShortLezzy]

“Gandalf-assisted suicide” - Phaye and I in regards to the end of TLTR movies.

[Kristen Rascher @DaShortLezzy]

“OH, I’M SORRY, DID MY TEARS FALL ON YOU?!

[Kristen Rascher @DaShortLezzy]

Phaedra: “The foot is the brain of the leg!” Me: “That...is not true.”

[Kristen Rascher @DaShortLezzy]

Phaedra: “Can you pass me the thing? Your drink? My drink? The 7-UP? ...drink?”

[Kristen Rascher @DaShortLezzy]

In moments of watching you lick the last bit of cheesecake crumbs off my plate do I most realize how much I absolutely adore you

[Kristen Rascher @DaShortLezzy]

@maerchives A random back alley somewhere 🤷‍♀️😂

[Kristen Rascher @DaShortLezzy]

Front Porch Step "Private Fears In Public Places" https://t.co/Aks1lQqoAT via @YouTube ❤️

[Kristen Rascher @DaShortLezzy]

Phaedra, while touching my eyebrows, whispered: “Fur boys”...what is she.

[Kristen Rascher @DaShortLezzy]

Phaedra (angrily): “Next time we fight I’m just gunna fuckiNG FIST YOOOOU!” Me: 😨

[Kristen Rascher @DaShortLezzy]

Literal question I thought to myself as I looked at myself in the mirror: “...Have I always looked pregnant? When I did I start looking pregnant everyday?”

[Kristen Rascher @DaShortLezzy]

Phaedra trying to be cute/romantic: “I like feeling your meat bits.”

[Kristen Rascher @DaShortLezzy]

Having both a cold, and allergies(while living in a house with 4 cats) is basically going to be the death of me. And my nose. #SOS