J.A.

So my wife and I have conceived our first child. I am chronicling all the crazy preggo shit she says here.

Love you, sweetie.

[J.A. @DadDiary]

#preggo #wifey: "Every t-shirt I wear now makes me feel like Winnie the Pooh. Baby belly won't fit."

[J.A. @DadDiary]

While moving some furniture this morning...

#preggo #wife : Don't scratch the walls!

Me" WHEW! good thing you said that when you did. I was about to scratch these fuckers all up.

Preggo: Damn you to hell.

#dadtobe #daddiary #smartass

[J.A. @DadDiary]

Me: *puts on actually nice clothes to go to the office*

Preggo wifey: "OOOOO what you all dressed up for?"

Me: "My work wife."

Preggo: "I WILL CUT A BITCH!"

#dadtobe #daddiary #preggo #pregnant #workwife

[J.A. @DadDiary]

The reply I get from one of them:

"Appreciate the heads up. When are you anticipating to disappear?? Dates ???"

....

Wish I knew, man. 🙃🙃🙃🙃

#preggo #pregnancy #dadtobe #daddiary #CorporateProblems

[J.A. @DadDiary]

I sent an email to my bosses letting them know my plans for taking a week off once Emma is born and explaining that I have a 5 week window blocked off for when we are down the home-stretch of the #pregnancy

[J.A. @DadDiary]

Went to a 3 hour breastfeeding class last week. #preggo #wifey (her name is Katelynn) gave me 2 tasks: show up and listen...

and write our names on the tent-card.

She was not amused with me.

#dadtobe #daddiary #pregnancy #steeetname #matchingshirtsFTW

[J.A. @DadDiary]

Preggo wifey taking wayyyyyy too long at the maternity clothing store.

She only has 3 more months to wear the stuff anyway. How can it he that hard to pick something out?
#dadtobe #daddiary #preggo #pregnancy #shopping

[J.A. @DadDiary]

While dining out:

Preggo wife: don't order that. What if I want a bite?

Me: oh, sorry I was about to ruin my food for you. Please, order for me.

#dadtobe #daddiary #preggo #PregnantWife #pregnancy #foodprobz

[J.A. @DadDiary]

Wifey fucking screamed.

I fucking screamed.

Dogs (3 of them) all hid under covers.

We decided we need to shut the door to the bathroom when using it in the middle of the night.

#dadtobe #daddiary #adventuresinpregnancy

[J.A. @DadDiary]

So I jump into action. I pop out of bed really quick run to the bathroom and flip the light on like a fucking burglar was stealing all my expensive toilet paper.

[J.A. @DadDiary]

At about 2am, preggo wifey needed to pee. I didn't hear her get up.

What I did wake up to hear was some water noises in the bathroom.

Our Shepard is notorious for drinking water shamelessly out of the toilet when she can't get to the water bowl (or any other time really).

[J.A. @DadDiary]

Also, our senior #GermanShepherd is on a medication that makes her very thirsty.

[J.A. @DadDiary]

So there was a little bit of an episode last night. Small back story:

#preggo #wife and I don't turn on the light in the master bathroom if we need to go piss in the middle of the night. It wakes us and to dogs up.

[J.A. @DadDiary]

Wondering if I should share this with the #preggo wifey...

[J.A. @DadDiary]

Apparently, putting your feet up on the coffee table at the doctors office is a mortal offence.

Her - "Put your feet down! If you pull this shit in the delivery room I'm going to kick you out and have your replaced."

#daddiary #dadtobe #preggo #pregnant

[J.A. @DadDiary]

Her - "You better eat all your food. Cause I'm going to eat all my food. And I'm going to feel fat. And I'm not going to feel this way alone. Don't be a bitch."

#daddiary #dadtobe #preggo #pregnant #pregnancy

[J.A. @DadDiary]

At #IHOP and I'm using all the syurps at the table.

Her - "Put the syurps back when you are done! GOD IT'S LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER IHOP-ED BEFORE!"

[J.A. @DadDiary]

Apparently #preggo #wifey found some wash cloths under the sheet on my side of the bed. They were wrapped up in the sheet from last time we washed them.

"John... how can you live your life so reckless!?!?!?!"

#daddiary #pregnant #reckless #laundry

[J.A. @DadDiary]

Wife demanded a slice of cheese cake with dinner tonight.

I caved and got it for her.

She eats a few bites and is closing the container...

"I'll save the other 3/4 of this for tmrw."

::drops rest on the floor::
::dogs converge and devour::

Her - "I need counciling."

[J.A. @DadDiary]

after seeing me tweet this:

"JOHN!!! IT'S NOT EVEN THAT WIERD!!! IT'S THE SAME THING AS CHERRY COKE. ONLY BANANA COKE!" https://t.co/DsD0fpW8ir

[J.A. @DadDiary]

Apparently the baby was craving a slushie on the way home today...

The flavor you ask?

Half coke-a-cola.
Half banana.

The cravings are getting serious.

#cravings #daddiary #preggo #pregnancy