First-time father to boy/girl twins, so just trying not to die. I have thoughts. Opinions shared do not necessarily reflect those of management (re: my wife).
I want my kids to grow up to be curious and open-minded about the world around them, but also to hate things I hate so I don’t have to do them, like watch baseball or go camping.
#dadlife#parenting#twins
Parenting toddlers is a constant back and forth between thinking “holy shit this kid is a genius” and “holy shit did I drop this kid on their head and forget it happened”, oftentimes during the same activity.
@RodneyDBarnes63 It’s cool, man. I’m sure I’d feel differently under the circumstances if we couldn’t videochat them every day or something. Mostly I just thought “thirsty-ass progenitors” was funny.
I know they’re bored and quarantined too, but what’s a nice way to tell your parents to stop commenting on every one of your social media posts because, like .. that’s not the engagement you’re going for, basically? Thirsty-ass progenitors.
I get why Elmo is so frustrated about needing to practice to get good at bowling, considering he regularly dunks a basketball on a regulation hoop while playing against a clone of himself. I’d just assume I was a god-like athlete, too. #sesamestreet#dadlife
So far the best part about having toddlers is when they have to briefly run in place like a damn cartoon character before they can actually move forward. #parenting#toddlers#dadlife
It’s a good thing I’m married because as it turns out I have never once opened the car windows to an appropriate height on the first try and otherwise I might never have known.
#marriage
Me: I’m going to let The Girl (who sleeps in the room at the top of the stairs) sleep in a little.
MIL: Okay.
MIL 2 minutes later, shouting across the house from the bottom of the stairs: WHO TOOK THAT INSTAGRAM VIDEO YOU POSTED?!
You know the rest, gentle reader.
The #twins absolutely cannot figure out the active, intentional throwing of a ball, but give them a bin of toys to clear out for no reason and you need to watch your back bc they will no-look whip that shit across the room.
@MommedRealHard Another doctor needed to come into the room mid-procedure to look for something in a cabinet. Just knocked, walked in, and apologized, to which I proudly responded “It’s cool, man. These are my nuts.”
Right now I really just live in constant fear that the next loud bang I hear will be one of the #twins figuring out how to climb out of their crib and then failing the dismount spectacularly.
#parenting
The Wife is one of those people who loves the beach, but hates sand and doesn’t particularly care for the water. Because that is a thing, as it turns out.