Texting with a girl I just started talking to
and she asked if I’m a “grower or a shower”
I’m like “neither
really
I hate gardening and I’m more of a bath guy.”
My wife texted me this morning and said
'Your great.' I replied
'No
you’re great.' ."
She’s been in a great mood ever since
I should correct her grammar more often
I turned the bunson burner off
removed my goggles and said "What did you say?" to my wife
Wife: "I SAID
this is not what I meant by experimenting in the bedroom!"
Asked my wife if she knew that Bruce Lee had a brother who didn’t tolerate joking around
She rolled her eyes and said
“Seriously?”
I’m like
“Oh… you’ve heard of him!”
I started kissing my wife while my parents were visiting
Then naturally I put a hand on her butt
That's when she scolded me with her eyes and said "Your dad is in the other room."
I thought for a second and then replied "Yeah
I know but I much prefer your ass"
A woman breaks up with a man with a small penis
His friends were amazed he didn't seem hurt or phased by the breakup
It's okay," he said
"I wasn't that into her."