Home
Language
English
Türkçe
Bahasa Indonesia
About
Privacy Policy
Terms of Service
Pricing
Sign In
Download All
Share
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
Formerly, The Tweetable David Sedaris, Daily (Now, Occasionally)
Joined August 2009
0
Following
15.8K
Followers
370
Posts
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
over 11 years ago
I went to 3 different colleges...And I remember the last line of my essay was: "If you do not let me in, I will kill myself."
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
over 11 years ago
Well, actually, we used to call him The Rooster. Now we call him "The Juicester." EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING goes into his blender.
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
over 12 years ago
“Just awful,”my father whispered.“A person’s life reduced to one lousy box.” I put my hand on his shoulder.“Actually, there are two of them”
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
about 13 years ago
I'm gonna be able to touch an owl in a couple of hours. So hopefully touching the owl will supersede someone being angry at me.
Who to follow
The Writing Revolution
@TheWritingRevol
The Writing Revolution provides K12 teachers at all grade levels with the capacity to deliver comprehensive writing instruction in every subject. #teachwriting
New York Magazine
@NYMag
This is New York: @thecut @vulture @intelligencer @curbed @grubstreet @strategist
The Baffler
@thebafflermag
Political and cultural criticism, satire, and salvos. Since 1988. Online and in print.
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
about 13 years ago
Again the following morning my flight was cancelled, so I went to Louisville on a private jet, the sort that’s like a limo with wings.
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
almost 16 years ago
“I know the thing that you speak exact now. Talk me more, you, plus, please, plus.”
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
almost 16 years ago
I've been tempted to destroy those early diaries, but the very urge reminds me that I really haven't changed all that much.
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
almost 16 years ago
...I'm not sure what cholesterol actually is. I hear the word and imagine a pale gravy, made by hand, with lumps in it.
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
almost 16 years ago
...In Europe though, you're not an alcoholic unless you're living half-naked on the street, drinking antifreeze from a cast-off shoe.
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
almost 16 years ago
...but it saddens Hugh to discuss his childhood monkey. "Oh Maxwell," he'll sigh, and within a minute he'll have started crying.
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
almost 16 years ago
"Oh you look fine" my mother would say. She meant to reassure me, but looking fine to your mother meant that something was definitely wrong.
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
almost 16 years ago
...people who said such things to their parents, "I love you," but it always translated to mean, "I'd love to get off the phone with you."
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
almost 16 years ago
...I'd always harbored a sneaking suspicion I might be a genius. The theory was completely my own, corroborated by no one, but so what?
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
almost 16 years ago
... my greatest asset is my skin, which glows - it really does! I have to tie a sock over my eyes in order to fall asleep at night.
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
almost 16 years ago
He looked as though his life had not only passed him by but paused along the way to spit in his face.
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
almost 16 years ago
If I was thin, it must be because I'd recently lost the extra fifty pounds traditionally cushioning the standard American ass.
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
almost 16 years ago
The Korean man nodded, the way you do when you're a foreigner and understand that someone has finished a sentence.
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
almost 16 years ago
"When shit brings you down, just say 'fuck it,' and eat yourself some motherfucking candy."
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
almost 16 years ago
Avoiding both the past and the future, they embraced the moment with a stoicism common to Buddhists and recently recovered alcoholics.
David Sedaris Fan
@DailySedaris
almost 16 years ago
I’d tried to straighten him out, but there’s only so much you can do for a person who thinks Auschwitz is a brand of beer.
Last Seen Users on Sotwe
CKYYY1
Seen from
United States
Bro Bastion
Seen from
Italy
سبعة ونص 🔞😈
Seen from
Pakistan
devil
Sırdaş Özel Masörünüz Cemil
Seen from
Turkey
Budak nakal
Seen from
Malaysia
Xiaomi MiMo
Seen from
Singapore
Van
Seen from
United States
medcake__
Seen from
Netherlands
BknSukaSuka
Seen from
Indonesia
Trends for you
1
Juneteenth
Under 10K tweets
2
#USMNT
Under 10K tweets
3
Balogun
Under 10K tweets
4
#UFC6
Under 10K tweets
5
Fauci
Under 10K tweets
6
Lebanon
Under 10K tweets
7
Go USA
Under 10K tweets
8
Pretty Ricky
Under 10K tweets
9
Elmo
Under 10K tweets
10
Own Goal
Under 10K tweets
Most Popular Users
1
Elon Musk
@elonmusk
240.3M followers
2
Barack Obama
@barackobama
119.3M followers
3
Donald J. Trump
@realdonaldtrump
111.6M followers
4
Cristiano Ronaldo
@cristiano
109.9M followers
5
Narendra Modi
@narendramodi
106.9M followers
6
Rihanna
@rihanna
97.5M followers
7
NASA
@nasa
92.1M followers
8
Justin Bieber
@justinbieber
90.7M followers
9
KATY PERRY
@katyperry
87.3M followers
10
Taylor Swift
@taylorswift13
81.1M followers
11
Lady Gaga
@ladygaga
72.7M followers
12
Kim Kardashian
@kimkardashian
69.6M followers
13
Virat Kohli
@imvkohli
69.3M followers
14
YouTube
@youtube
68.6M followers
15
Bill Gates
@billgates
63.7M followers
16
The Ellen Show
@theellenshow
62.5M followers
17
Neymar Jr
@neymarjr
62M followers
18
CNN
@cnn
61.9M followers
19
X
@x
60.9M followers
20
Selena Gomez
@selenagomez
60.4M followers
Olivia
Online
✨
⭐
💫