Rusty Shackleford

Guns don't kill people...the government does.

[Rusty Shackleford @DaleQuotes]

Your hero, the Bandit, is on TV with an important message. Let’s watch it as Father and Son.

[Rusty Shackleford @DaleQuotes]

TV sets are getting smaller and smaller, and bigger and bigger. Soon the medium-sized set will be a thing of the past.

[Rusty Shackleford @DaleQuotes]

Relax Hank, you know what loosens the caboose of any party? Big Mountain Fudgecake! Want me to see if they’re available?

[Rusty Shackleford @DaleQuotes]

I’ll choke her for five and you can keep the head!

[Rusty Shackleford @DaleQuotes]

There’s only two ways to handle it Hank. You either shoot her between the eyes “old yeller” style or ya sneak up from behind, and get her in the back of the head. Either way it will cost you ten bucks.

[Rusty Shackleford @DaleQuotes]

You just be careful. Computers have already beaten a communist at chess. Next thing you know, they'll be beating humans.

[Rusty Shackleford @DaleQuotes]

The only thing that kept me going was my will to smoke again. And the ashtrays from a Alitalia flight.

[Rusty Shackleford @DaleQuotes]

Due to budget cuts they redefined what constitutes insanity. Guess who squeaked by?!

[Rusty Shackleford @DaleQuotes]

And FYI Boomhauer said he could see your nipples on stage.

[Rusty Shackleford @DaleQuotes]

The Aliens knew I was getting too close to the truth. Exactly what truth? I have no idea. But I was close.

[Rusty Shackleford @DaleQuotes]

I am the Albino Buffalo, deal with it!

[Rusty Shackleford @DaleQuotes]

Thanks a lot son. You should try out for the gymnastics team, you're pretty good at rolling over.

[Rusty Shackleford @DaleQuotes]

Bravo Bobby, Bravo. That's the best performance since Michael Caine's ether huffing Abortionist in "The Cider House Rules."

[Rusty Shackleford @DaleQuotes]

So they impregnated Nancy with their highly potent space juice.

[Rusty Shackleford @DaleQuotes]

They had to do something to distract me. And what better way than a lifelong distraction, a child?

[Rusty Shackleford @DaleQuotes]

Muzak. ...just Muzak.

[Rusty Shackleford @DaleQuotes]

I'm engaged in an arms race with an exterminator in McMaynerberry.

[Rusty Shackleford @DaleQuotes]

Get off my property whoever I am!

[Rusty Shackleford @DaleQuotes]

We still have a chance... Act like a ghost.

[Rusty Shackleford @DaleQuotes]

"Set the timer and retreat to a safe distance." Ok...
Oh my lucky hat!
My smokes!