Dalton Jeffries

Enjoy true stories that I made up...

[Dalton Jeffries @DaltJeffries]

I have come to the realization that my views on the pope are like my views on the Olympics. "This random person is now at the top? Eh who cares. Oh it's an American?" 🦅🇺🇸🖕🌎

[Dalton Jeffries @DaltJeffries]

How am I supposed to be quirky and unique when I look like this?

[Bill the Soca Bie @TheBermyBie]

Betty White was 17 days from being 100 but she lived through more than 17 leap years so those extra days count to me. She made it.

[Dalton Jeffries @DaltJeffries]

6 year old me: I want to be Spider-Man
16 year old me: I want to be a doctor or an engineer
22 year old me: I want to be Spider-Man

[Dalton Jeffries @DaltJeffries]

Do I go to Spider-Man No Way Home in an all black suit like Tobey or the Spider-Man Pajama bottoms?

[Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds]

Favorite #FreeGuy Halloween moment. Blue Shirt Guy casually being a legend.

[Dalton Jeffries @DaltJeffries]

Eating a snickers is like kissing the homies goodnight, no one’s ever satisfied with just one

[Dalton Jeffries @DaltJeffries]

When a girl messages me, chances are they start dating someone within a week of that last message, henceforth, I shall be known as the man that brings the boys to the yard

[Dalton Jeffries @DaltJeffries]

Driving your vehicle on empty vs after you’ve filled her up

[Dalton Jeffries @DaltJeffries]

If you live in a college town and own a truck, make sure you have a dolley, because you are the unofficial-official furniture moving friend

[Dalton Jeffries @DaltJeffries]

You can go after the girl, but never forget about the minions (homies)

[Dalton Jeffries @DaltJeffries]

Things Megamind has taught me
A thread:

[Dalton Jeffries @DaltJeffries]

Learn how to spell