Daniel Kravitz

[Governor Newsom Press Office @GovPressOffice]

Wow! President Trump is a titan of wellness, his stamina is unmatched! Our commander-in-chief only needs a tiny nap to power through a full meeting. Get this man into the Olympics ASAP!

[Governor Newsom Press Office (parody) @AwesomeNewsom]

I USE THE NATIONAL GUARD TO HELP FAMILIES. DONNY USES THE GUARD TO BEAT UP FAMILIES. I HATE BULLIES. DONNY HATES THE EAST WING. MY HAIR LOVES ME. DONNY'S HAIR SELF-DEPORTED. I RUN THE 4TH LARGEST ECONOMY. DONNY RUNS FROM THE SINK TO THE TOILET. (MANY SAY "NOT IN TIME") SAD! --GCN

[TheRealThelmaJohnson @TheRealThelmaJ1]

If you would like to congratulate Clarence Thomas on 34 years in the Supreme Court he takes VISA, Mastercard, Venmo, Cashapp, private school tuition, RV tires, vacations in the Caribbean, private helicopter rides with Vladimir Putin and of course cold, hard CA$H

[Governor Newsom Press Office (parody) @AwesomeNewsom]

BAD NEWS FOR DONNY OF DUMBODIA, GREAT NEWS FOR GAVIN OF CALIFORNIA! OUR STATE CONTINUES TO GROW. WE HAVE FREEDOM, JUSTICE, INNOVATION, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, ME!! (HOT!) WE ACCEPT ALL RED STATE REFUGEES SEEKING ASYLUM. IF YOUR STATE DOESN'T HAVE DEMOCRACY, HEALTHY SCHOOL LUNCHES, OR ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE, THEN COME TO GAVIFORNIA! ALL ARE WELCOME EXCEPT TED NUGENT AND SCOTT BAIO. THANK YOU! --GCN ("C" IS FOR COOL NOT CHACHI)

[Gavin Newsom @GavinNewsom]

NEW: California will be the first state in the nation to sell its own insulin.

It will be $11.

No Big Pharma price gouging.

Simple, affordable healthcare. As it should be.

[Governor Newsom Press Office (parody) @AwesomeNewsom]

SENILE SNOWFLAKE IS STILL TALKING ABOUT HIS LOST ELECTIONS? GIVE IT UP, GRANDMA! YOU LOST. (BIGLY) PEOPLE ON THE STREET ARE YELLING, "HE LOSES SO MUCH WHY CAN'T HE GET USED TO IT?!" DONNY NEEDS TO JOIN A MR. SOFTY SUPPORT GROUP AND STOP CRYING (SAD.) --GCN

P.S. YOU LOST! LOSER.

[Governor Newsom Press Office (parody) @AwesomeNewsom]

SINCE DONNY IS PUTTING TARIFFS ON AMERICANS, I'M PUTTING TARIFFS ON DONNY. 30% ON GIFTS FROM QATAR. 40% ON UGLY BALLROOMS. (NASTY!) 50% ON PUMPKIN MAKE UP. 70% ON UMBRELLA LESSONS (FOR BEGINNERS!) 100% ON KID ROCK SHOWS AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN (AKA OLIVE GARDEN.) THANK YOU! -GCN

[Governor Newsom Press Office (parody) @AwesomeNewsom]

WHY IS RACCOON EYES SMILING? BECAUSE WHILE PEOPLE CAN'T AFFORD FOOD, HE'S BUILDING A GOLD BALLROOM. WHILE HIS MILITIA ATTACKS AMERICA, HE'S HOME WATCHING IKEA PORN WITH VANCE. BUT CHUNKY CHEETO HAS MET HIS MATCH. HE CAN BREAK AN ESCALATOR BUT HE'LL NEVER BREAK THE GAVINATOR.

[Turnbull @cturnbull1968]

Senator Cruz strongly supports fitness standards for the military.

[Governor Newsom Press Office @GovPressOffice]

GOOD NEWS PATRIOTS! WITH WASHINGTON SHUT DOWN, I, GAVIN C. NEWSOM, AM NOW THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD. MY PLATFORM IS VERY SIMPLE: HEALTH CARE FOR ALL AMERICANS (NO MEASLES!), FREE SCHOOL MEALS (WOW PUDDING FOR EVERYONE), FREE CHILDCARE (THE MOMS LOVE ME! MORE BABIES!!) GOOD-PAYING JOBS, AND NO MORE EVIL TARIFFS!!! EGGS WILL BE FREE. HAIR GEL SUBSIDIES WILL BE AVAILABLE (BUT ONLY FOR HANDSOME DEMOCRATS) AND WE WILL ALSO LEGALIZE CANNABIS! CRIME WILL STAY LOW AND EVERYONE WILL BE HIGH ON PATRIOTISM. AND NO MORE TICKETMASTER FEES (FOR THE SWIFTIES, FEES STAY FOR KID ROCK!) THEY WILL CHANT USA! USA! BECAUSE WE WILL BE BACK AND “HOTTER” THAN EVER BEFORE. THANK YOU! — GCN

[Hoodlum 🇺🇸 @NotHoodlum]

Pete Hegseth says overweight military leaders should resign. Shouldn’t that include Fat Satan?

[Governor Newsom Press Office @GovPressOffice]

TRUMP “MARIE ANTOINETTE” SAYS, “NO HEALTH CARE FOR YOU PEASANTS, BUT A BALLROOM FOR THE QUEEN!”

[Governor Newsom Press Office (parody) @AwesomeNewsom]

AWW, NOW THAT'S A LOVE LETTER. (SOME SAY THE GREATEST LOVE STORY EVER TOLD!) JD CALLED DONNY AMERICA'S (FAT) HITLER. DONNY WAS MOVED TO TEARS, "YOU HAD ME AT FASCISM." AND THE REST IS HISTORY. CONGRATULATIONS TO JD ON BECOMING AMERICA'S VICE HITLER. SOFA SO GOOD.

[Governor Newsom Press Office (parody) @AwesomeNewsom]

SAD ABOUT DONNY'S FRIENDS. NOT ONLY DID THEY HAVE TO SEE HIM, HEAR HIM AND SMELL HIM, BUT THEY LOST EVERYTHING. SHOULD'VE BEEN FRIENDS WITH GAVIN C. NEWSOM, THE MANLIEST MAN IN THE WORLD (SOME SAY "THE MACHOVERSE") GOOD LUCK TO RUDY ON HIS NEW JOB AT FOUR SEASONS SEPTIC CLEANING.

[Governor Newsom Press Office @GovPressOffice]

BECAUSE OF HIS HORRIFIC MUSIC, CALIFORNIA WILL INDEFINITELY SUSPEND KID ROCK FROM PERFORMING IN THE GOLDEN STATE. YOU’RE WELCOME! — GCN

[Governor Newsom Press Office (parody) @AwesomeNewsom]

STOP FIGHTING WINDMILLS, JIMMY KIMMEL, AND AMERICANS! WHILE YOU PLAY CANKLE COWBOY, LEGAL CITIZENS WITH THE "WRONG" SKIN COLOR ARE ATTACKED BY YOUR MASKED VANILLA ICE ARMY. I AM GAVIN C. NEWSOM, AND I WILL PROTECT AMERICA FROM ENEMIES FOREIGN, DOMESTIC, AND FLORIDIAN.

[Governor Newsom Press Office (parody) @AwesomeNewsom]

HEY AMERICA, MR. "ART OF THE DELAY" SAYS OUR ECONOMY WILL BE GOOD IN A YEAR OR SO. LET'S PUT THAT IN OUR TARIFF TODDLER TRANSLATOR... YUP, ECONOMY SHOULD BE GOOD AROUND NEVER. BUT YOUR #1 GOVERNOR, GAVIN C. NEWSOM, IS DOING IT NOW! CALI HAS STRONGER PER CAPITA ECONOMIC GROWTH THAN ANY LARGE STATE. OH SORRY, DONNY DIDN'T UNDERSTAND A WORD OF THAT. IT MEANS, OLD CARROT TOP - BAD, YOUNG SMART VERY HANDSOME GOVERNOR - GOOD.

[Governor Newsom Press Office (parody) @AwesomeNewsom]

THIS IS SAD. POOR NANA CAN'T REMEMBER A ONE PAGE SPEECH. THEN ENDS WITH, "I HOPE THIS IS MY LAST VISIT." WHAT??? KEEP YOUR DAY JOB!! NO WAIT, YOU SUCK AT THAT TOO. DEAR KING CHARLES, EVERY COURT NEEDS A JESTER. PLEASE TAKE OURS. LOVE, GAVIN C. NEWSOM. ("C" IS FOR COMEDIC GENIUS)

[Thomas Massie @RepThomasMassie]

Tonight, Congress will vote to lower the age to prosecute minors as adults from 16 down to 14 in DC.

Let me get this straight:

Congress wants to prosecute 14 yr. olds as adults, but they don’t want to prosecute adults who sexually abuse 14 year olds?

Release the Epstein files.