Hitachi Magic Juan

Once you go Hitachi, nothing else for your crotch-y.

[Hitachi Magic Juan @DanOnDrugs]

Parcheesedick.
@midnight #RuinABoardGame

[Hitachi Magic Juan @DanOnDrugs]

This show is incredible. Virtually every moment comes down to one of 3 things:

1. Major Lazer.
2. weed.
3. Major Lazer is smoking weed.

[Hitachi Magic Juan @DanOnDrugs]

Today's good mood has been brought to you by the wind, sundresses, and the color light blue.

[gregb @BadaBinge]

*Travels 4,000 light years

*Fucks up your cornfield

[Hitachi Magic Juan @DanOnDrugs]

My #vapelife name is Magic-Fat Lunch Box.

[Hitachi Magic Juan @DanOnDrugs]

Every single interview w/ Kevin Hart comes across like he's frantically apologizing for the most recent embarrassing thing he did in public.

[Hitachi Magic Juan @DanOnDrugs]

More like Turd-o Tax, am I rite?

[Hitachi Magic Juan @DanOnDrugs]

Big shout out to all the shits that never even got a chance to be given.

[Hitachi Magic Juan @DanOnDrugs]

The London Symphony Orchestra is technically a cover band.

If you think about it.

[Camden's Finest @anbrll00]

Kim Jong Un swept the North Korean Grammy's last night.

[Dee Exotic @stepmammi]

You better listen to me

[Kaptan Hindustan™ @KaptanHindustan]

A divorcing couple divides their Beanie Baby investment under the supervision of a judge, 1999.

[Hitachi Magic Juan @DanOnDrugs]

Dogs: *run and bark at window*
Wife: *goes to check front door*
Me: LEMME KNOW IF I HAVE TO COVER MY BONER.

[Hitachi Magic Juan @DanOnDrugs]

I wouldn't live my life any other way, because this way has weed in it.

[Hitachi Magic Juan @DanOnDrugs]

Plop plop, jizz jizz, Oh what a relief it is!™

[Hitachi Magic Juan @DanOnDrugs]

I should just get a tattoo that reads "Result may vary".

[Hitachi Magic Juan @DanOnDrugs]

Pro tip: Calling her by all 3 names in a stern voice will give her she-hulk sex strength.

[Hitachi Magic Juan @DanOnDrugs]

Our safe word is 🎶JOHN CENA SUCKS🎶 💪😘

[Hitachi Magic Juan @DanOnDrugs]

"Penis platter" & "penis splatter" come out your mouth exactly the same.

The words, I mean.