Daniel L. Crandall

Parody or whatever. In no way affiliated with Daniel L. Crandall, Daniel L. Crandall's Beard, or any small woodland creatures dwelling therein.
Made with care.

[Daniel L. Crandall @DanielLCrandall]

Anyone got any shady business deals or seedy sex parties I could be a part of?

Trying to earn a cabinet position.

My beard and I are very interested.

[Daniel L. Crandall @DanielLCrandall]

Looking like we may be a proper country—again.

[Daniel L. Crandall @DanielLCrandall]

@baileys_myth It’s been a busy season to say the least. I couldn’t be hungrier though, that’s just a fact.

[Daniel L. Crandall @DanielLCrandall]

@baileys_myth Aww thanks for checking in. She’s a hungry gal, but lucky for her I couldn’t be a messier eater if I tried. How are things in your world? I ask because——————I care.

[Daniel L. Crandall @DanielLCrandall]

@baileys_myth Doing alright babe. A little low on Bloomin Onions, but that’s pretty normal.

[Daniel L. Crandall @DanielLCrandall]

Good to know. Since you’ll be available maybe we can hangout and get some @Arbys together?

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

To all of those who have asked, I will not be going to the Inauguration on January 20th.

[Daniel L. Crandall @DanielLCrandall]

I don’t care what Mariah Carey said, THIS is all I want for Christmas.

[Arby's @Arbys]

Deck the halls with gifts from Arby’s 🎁🥩
Shop the Holiday Collection now.
https://t.co/6GPDCvWwr8

[Daniel L. Crandall @DanielLCrandall]

Today I attempted to test the limits of the “Unlimited Soup, Salad & Breadsticks” and believe me when I tell you that there is one and I’m NOT happy about it.

[Daniel L. Crandall @DanielLCrandall]

Snuggling required.

[Taco Bell @tacobell]

Feed me Taco Bell and tell me I'm pretty.

[Daniel L. Crandall @DanielLCrandall]

If your name is Karen, and you’re tired of people mocking you or calling the police on you for just being yourself, I can help you change your legal name, but unfortunately I can’t change the person you are on the inside.

[Daniel L. Crandall @DanielLCrandall]

@ChrisColemanTSL They do make just about everything better don’t they. Kind of like adding maple syrup to pretty much anything.

[Daniel L. Crandall @DanielLCrandall]

I need @tacobell and @olivegarden to do a collaboration for some kind of pasta tacos or breadstick burrito and I won’t rest until this becomes deliciously real.

[Daniel L. Crandall @DanielLCrandall]

I just woke up from my food coma from yesterday and all I can think about is starting my new countdown till next Thanksgiving.

[Daniel L. Crandall @DanielLCrandall]

@JesGearing @MatthewWirt Still waiting on my invite...

[Daniel L. Crandall @DanielLCrandall]

Just booked our company Christmas Party at The Hotel Roanoke Conference Center Total Landscaping. Gonna be great

[Daniel L. Crandall @DanielLCrandall]

These cheeks are filled with passion and care and all of the candy from the little dish at my doctor’s office.

[Daniel L. Crandall @DanielLCrandall]

Been feeling really worried for our country this week but today I had a French fry so I’m good now.

[Daniel L. Crandall @DanielLCrandall]

Just realized that horses in movies aren’t acting and now I need to lay down.

[Daniel L. Crandall @DanielLCrandall]

Call me, Donny. I can help.

[Daniel L. Crandall @DanielLCrandall]

@ajswanson_94 It’s an ongoing discussion at this point.