Daniel Mathers

If there's one thing I've got a lot of, it's room for improvement.

[Daniel Mathers @DanielMathers]

Attempting to switch from @Android to @Apple, but because I can't remember the pin to my iPad from 10, years ago, I'm locked out of my account for 14 days. Guess I'll be going back to Samsung.

[Daniel Mathers @DanielMathers]

@RATMofficial Considering how far back the tour has been pushed, can we maybe consider allowing people who purchased their tickets 2.5 years ago the ability to transfer or sell them? I live 1500 miles from the venue and have zero options for recouping my money.

[Daniel Mathers @DanielMathers]

@AmazonHelp So the purposed solution is to stop calling her Alexa?

[Daniel Mathers @DanielMathers]

Why don't wine glasses break like windshields? Surely we have the technology

[Daniel Mathers @DanielMathers]

I can't imagine it, but I'd guess it's a terrible feeling, just (apparently) not terrible enough to overcome his fear of upsetting the base. Do you think he feels sad right now? He's probably really sad. Now I'm sad. This is sad.

[Keith Boykin @keithboykin]

Imagine being Black Republican Senator Tim Scott voting against the historic nomination of the first Black woman to the Supreme Court while three of your white Republican colleagues vote for her. 😏

[Daniel Mathers @DanielMathers]

Tap 4011 or type in B-A-N-A-N-A-S. If you need to ask for help with this, please know everyone else in the self checkout lane hopes you die.

[Daniel Mathers @DanielMathers]

People with lots of guns are always drastically underestimating the patience and complacency of the rest of the population. No, Dave, $5/gallon isn't going to be the collapse of society, and I won't regret not stocking up on ammunition.

[Daniel Mathers @DanielMathers]

Most surprising thing I've learned while running a coffee shop: people getting shit on the walls of the bathroom is not as uncommon as we like to think.

[Daniel Mathers @DanielMathers]

When you say, "He is a great fucking dad," It's assumed "fucking" is the adverb, regardless of word order. Agree?

[Daniel Mathers @DanielMathers]

You ever stare blankly into the middle distance at the gym after a tough set, then 30 seconds later realize you've been "staring" at the back side of somebody doing really deep squats?

[Daniel Mathers @DanielMathers]

Things I like about Utah: it's so dry you can leave the bag of chips open on the counter for days, and they don't get stale.

[Daniel Mathers @DanielMathers]

It's funny how he doesn't realize that proudly stating, "I've held the exact same positions for 20 years," makes him - by definition - a conservative.

[Bill Maher @billmaher]

It's not my fault that the party of FDR and JFK is turning into the party of LOL😂 and WTF🤦‍♂️.

[Daniel Mathers @DanielMathers]

@jonmroth I once bought a book described as, "Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space" and it did not disappoint.

[Daniel Mathers @DanielMathers]

Definitely going to miss @cheezit more than I miss @ChickfilA

[Daniel Mathers @DanielMathers]

From the outset I've had recurring daydreams of the world after COVID
ends. I imagine a place where we're sitting around sharing memories of this pandemic as a "remember when." Recently that feels naive, and I try to acclimate myself to a world where this virus never ends.

[Daniel Mathers @DanielMathers]

@cthunman Somewhere between 5-10% of the population is farsighted.

[Daniel Mathers @DanielMathers]

@hutch_and_stuff And why I don't need to be on Twitter when drunk lmao

[Daniel Mathers @DanielMathers]

@victhehomiee Because you knew you needed to hear it.