Lando

Physics teacher turned Systems Engineer | Clout 9

[Lando @Daniel_MJD]

This is hilarious 😂

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[Lando @Daniel_MJD]

‘Quarter Zip Bro’ life is calling me, it’s cold, my resolve is getting weaker, I know I’ll look good, the cashmere feels so good…😔

[Lando @Daniel_MJD]

Prices of Ackee right now smh profiteers

[Lando @Daniel_MJD]

Having to put away hella plates after deadlifts 👎🏽

[Lando @Daniel_MJD]

@KeiraLRennie I am tired. I AM TIRED 😭😂

[Lando @Daniel_MJD]

I hope the Royal Mail goes bust

[Lando @Daniel_MJD]

I try and think kind thoughts but why are delivery drivers so stupid lmao knock on the door bruh

[Lando @Daniel_MJD]

🇬🇷

[Lando @Daniel_MJD]

Should I get Buccal Fat removal for Halloween ?

[Lando @Daniel_MJD]

@nxcare @nationalexpress This is the kind of thing that loses you customers, flexibus it is

[Lando @Daniel_MJD]

@nxcare @nationalexpress I have a query, the price of a ticket I have purchased with you has decreased considerably since I bought it, can you explain this please? & refund the difference. the pricing has dropped drastically and this behaviour is deterring me from future bookings

[Lando @Daniel_MJD]

@schuhHELP @schuh I have contacted you directly on X messages

[Lando @Daniel_MJD]

@schuh @schuhHELP I ordered using next day delivery with in the specified time on Friday 11th July and I’ve been told delivery will be on the 14th?? Can you please refund the £4.99 I paid extra for this service I will not be provided. Thank you.

[Lando @Daniel_MJD]

Suns out, bionic toe out

[Lando @Daniel_MJD]

Peter Andre - Mysterious Girl might be one of the greatest hits ever

[Lando @Daniel_MJD]

Crackers and butter. So simple, so elegant, so pure. 10/10 everytime

[Lando @Daniel_MJD]

I’m stuck in a Mexican rap rabbit hole I can’t escape asiiii soyyyy

[Lando @Daniel_MJD]

Bananas and Tuna… HEAR ME OUT

[Lando @Daniel_MJD]

Might cut my hair short just so I can rock a Stetson this summer

[Lando @Daniel_MJD]

@PlayStationUK Why are you not able to refund a product on the weekend? I have recently bought a product that is not working at launch (cross play broken) I would like a refund asap please and thank you