Daniel Timmins

[Daniel Timmins @Daniel__Timmins]

I'm a simple man. I like dark haired women and breakfast food. #swansonism

[Daniel Timmins @Daniel__Timmins]

@jeffery_wille it took me 5 min to figure out how to reply to this. So I'm just going to accept it. Lol.

[Daniel Timmins @Daniel__Timmins]

I continue to realize each time I open this app that I have no idea how Twitter works. #igetlost

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

(3/3) "THAT'S not Trump -- he works for me! You passed! I had to know!"

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

(2/3) All the shitty kids are being tempted away by Trump. In the end, Bernie reveals we inherit the chocolate factory.

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

(1/3) I'm starting to hope this whole election is some sort of weird national test, with @BernieSanders as Willy Wonka.

[Daniel Timmins @Daniel__Timmins]

#AskGuru Blount or L. Murray?

[Daniel Timmins @Daniel__Timmins]

@CourtyardHotels personal DVR 👍 #PVR #amazing

[Daniel Timmins @Daniel__Timmins]

@MarriottMPLS can't even use fb or twitter on the "enhanced internet" garbage!

[Daniel Timmins @Daniel__Timmins]

@CourtyardHotels I'm a platinum member and like marriotts. that's just one of my pet peeves. That and throwing away my receipts.

[Daniel Timmins @Daniel__Timmins]

So I put my toothbrush in a cup at the @CourtyardHotels housekeeping takes it out lays it on the counter. #leaveitinthecup #gross

[Daniel Timmins @Daniel__Timmins]

That's a philosophy I could definitely get behind...or on top of?

[Daniel Timmins @Daniel__Timmins]

Prepare your uterus for his gigantic offspring. #BigBangTheory #rajesh

[ESPN @espn]

At this rate, the Patriots might hold wide receiver tryouts in the parking lot at halftime.

[Daniel Timmins @Daniel__Timmins]

@ThisIsTug @danieltosh or 6

[Daniel Timmins @Daniel__Timmins]

@ThisIsTug @danieltosh the number would have to start with a 3 or 5 based on the choices available.

[Daniel Timmins @Daniel__Timmins]

Let me put it in account terms. Are you aware of the number of handjobs I'm going to have to give? #madmen #iheartrogersterling

[Daniel Timmins @Daniel__Timmins]

At a certain point seduction is over and force is actually being requested. #MadMen

[ESPN Fantasy Sports @ESPNFantasy]

Your work day is officially over - The #FantasyFootball Draft Kit has arrived: http://t.co/PywOSNHTlH

[Daniel Timmins @Daniel__Timmins]

#russellrules