Alan Dargue

[Alan Dargue @Dargy7]

@chris_storey @TPEassist It’s a standard road legal electric assist bike so why not??

[Alan Dargue @Dargy7]

@Lottery_UK Why is the jackpot prize fund 2,441,500 and not £3.6m (£10k x 36 months) ???

[A View From Yorkshire @models_by_Russ]

Dear Prime Minister & Home Secretary,

I hope this letter finds you well, fully caffeinated, and in possession of a calculator.

I’m writing with what I believe is a modest, fiscally responsible proposal. I understand the Government is offering up to £40,000 to certain individuals to voluntarily leave the United Kingdom. First of all — bold strategy. Nothing says “strong borders” quite like a cashback scheme.

Now, I regret to inform you that I am, in fact, a fully tax-paying, law-abiding British citizen. I know — awkward. I appreciate this may disqualify me from the premium exit package, but I’m willing to negotiate.

I would like to formally apply for £35,000 to leave.

You see, unlike some applicants, I haven’t broken any laws to get here. I didn’t arrive by dinghy. I didn’t require processing, housing, or legal appeals. I’ve actually been funding the whole operation through PAYE for years — which I believe makes me a loyal shareholder in this enterprise.

Given that you’re prepared to offer £40,000 for someone to depart voluntarily after entering illegally, I feel £35,000 for someone who’s been here legally all along represents excellent value for money. Think of it as a “Buy British, Get One Gone” discount.

For £35,000 I will:
   •   Leave quietly.
   •   Not require a press conference.
   •   Not demand a diversity officer to wave me off.
   •   Even carry my own suitcase to the airport.

I may also tweet a polite thank-you note on departure, praising the efficiency of the scheme.

Frankly, it feels like I’ve misunderstood how incentives work in modern Britain. All these years I thought obeying the law, paying taxes, and contributing to society were the winning strategy. Turns out the real pro-move is to arrive unlawfully and wait for a loyalty bonus.

Who knew?

While British families are juggling rent, energy bills, and the weekly food shop like contestants on a dystopian game show, it’s reassuring to know the Treasury has located a spare £40,000 per head for voluntary goodbyes.

May I ask — is there a points card? Ten years of National Insurance contributions and I get a free exit bonus? If so, I believe I’m overdue.

In the spirit of fairness and fiscal responsibility, I am not even asking for the full £40,000. I’m trimming £5,000 off to help balance the books. That’s the kind of responsible budgeting I was raised on.

If successful, I promise to:
   •   Leave via a scheduled flight (economy is fine).
   •   Not stage a protest on the runway.
   •   And refrain from re-entering on a small boat to see if I qualify twice.

All I ask is equal treatment. If departure is now a funded career pathway, I would very much like to submit my CV.

Yours in hopeful relocation,
A slightly confused taxpayer

[Alan Dargue @Dargy7]

@JimSTruthBTold @JoJoFromJerz We don’t hate America- just Trump 🤣🤣

[Alan Dargue @Dargy7]

Take care if you check your @TNLUK ticket at @Morrisons petrol station kiosks @MotorFuelGroup staff might keep your winnings just like #TheSyndicate on the telly and no-one will care 😢😱

[Alan Dargue @Dargy7]

@Sophia_dreams85 @angdownunder08 @robbiewilliams No not a clue 🤷‍♂️

[Alan Dargue @Dargy7]

@MooresGare49907 @TNLUK Just looked and GB news says jackpot has been claimed by a single winner but later in the article it says everyone should check their tickets 🤣🤣🤣🤣 and Farage will make Britain Great again 🤣🤣🤣

[Alan Dargue @Dargy7]

@_missemma My young rowing protege was asked to take part but declined as he thought it would interfere with his training! I told him he was a bloody idiot 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Alan Dargue @Dargy7]

What is happening to my country?? Think it might be time to leave 😢

[Concerned Citizen @BGatesIsaPyscho]

🚨🇬🇧 “I don’t understand - I’ve got 3 young Children inside”

“We’ve got serious safeguarding concerns”

“I’m not a dangerous Character -this is unnecessary”

Another British Man getting locked up for online comments.

[Paul Weston @PWestoff]

A good illustration of modern Britain. Masked man removes artistic dissent against a Tyrannical State, under the guard of Foreign State Security.

[Alan Dargue @Dargy7]

@TRobinsonNewEra Meanwhile Turkey are thinking about jailing a woman for five years for performing acrobatics close to a Turkish flag - maybe these ‘ladies’ would like to go there on their next holidays?!?!

[Alan Dargue @Dargy7]

@MAGAVoice Are you prepared to give up large parts of your homeland to an aggressor? Maybe ask the leaders of Estonia, Latvia, Finland the same question?! Putin is playing Trump like a puppet as he knows the man has no integrity, the USA made a pact with Ukraine to protect its sovereignty!

[CALL TO ACTIVISM @CalltoActivism]

MAJOR BREAKING: Donald Trump has officially entered a war with Iran.

Once again, here’s Trump claiming then President Barack Obama will “start a war with Iran because he has absolutely no ability to negotiate. He’s weak and he’s ineffective.”

[Alan Dargue @Dargy7]

@YorkshireWater Thanks 🙏👍👍

[Alan Dargue @Dargy7]

@YorkshireWater no water here at YO17 8RN - any idea how long it will be off for?? Thanks x

[Alan Dargue @Dargy7]

@_missemma Cause it’s only Wednesday- plenty of time to get there yet!! 🤣🤣🤣 x

[Alan Dargue @Dargy7]

@kingkapoor72 @metpoliceuk @MPSHammFul Unfortunately you’re the easy target both for the criminals and the police !!

[Love Classical Music and Movies 🎺🎻💖🎥🎬 @AlexTran677026]

This is absolutely brilliant!

[Alan Dargue @Dargy7]

@MarinaPurkiss Best wishes from across the pond too you absolute c***s