Darian Magee

kind of hungry. Follow me on instagram for pictures of dogs and my shitty face.

[Darian Magee @DarianMAGEE]

The Menstrual period was directly before the Jurassic

[Darian Magee @DarianMAGEE]

I used to think I had a fainting problem, but I was actually just bored during mass at Catholic school and consistently falling asleep. Phew.

[Darian Magee @DarianMAGEE]

Family traditions are important. Like the tradition of leaving 1 cm of jam left in the jar so we can keep it in the fridge and not have to recycle a glass container.

[Darian Magee @DarianMAGEE]

I'm just a normal person who thinks about Melissa Benoist a normal amount, probably

[Darian Magee @DarianMAGEE]

Interests: people who shorthand kumbucha to 'booch

[Darian Magee @DarianMAGEE]

Another day, another aggressively tearful rewatch of Kung Fu Panda 2

[Darian Magee @DarianMAGEE]

I love the postured outrage people have when someone calls during dinner. Like, how would they know when your dinner is 🤨 I didn't agree to this

[Darian Magee @DarianMAGEE]

Can you buy scratching posts for humans? Emery boards are tiny and stupid, I got places to be, let me put a big ol' rock in my bathroom or something

[Darian Magee @DarianMAGEE]

Alright sluts, I'm almost 30, I have the budget now, I'm entering my punk era

[Darian Magee @DarianMAGEE]

@witchernetflix @LiamHemsworth Oh my god, why. Love Hemsworth, hate this decision. I don't know why Cavil left the show (I guess I'll find out season 3), but I'm not interested in watching after a recast of your main character. Just a bonkers weird decision.

[Darian Magee @DarianMAGEE]

Can someone tweet me the recipe for meth? I'm like, curious but don't want to google.

[Darian Magee @DarianMAGEE]

Normalize getting ripped as a joke because it'd be fucking funny

[Darian Magee @DarianMAGEE]

People who publicly engage in hiccup remedies (sipping water upside down, swallowing sugar, inspiratory reserve) have a humiliation kink, change my mind.

[Darian Magee @DarianMAGEE]

A bumper sticker that says "I'm not drunk, I'm trying to remove a sweater while driving"

[Darian Magee @DarianMAGEE]

2022 Fall Prank Idea - my student loan finally arrives and I can pay my mortgage 👀

[Darian Magee @DarianMAGEE]

The scrubs are not because my job is messy, the scrubs are there because I bring spaghetti for almost every lunch and haven't gotten better at eating it despite the frequency

[Darian Magee @DarianMAGEE]

1st year living in a small town and hearing a bear outside your house at 1 AM: "Wow, what magic and splendor! Everyone get up and look at the bear!"
2nd year: "Oh no, I hope I didn't leave anything out. The garbage lid is closed, right?"
3rd year: 😑🤬🛌

[Darian Magee @DarianMAGEE]

@katessmag oh my good gourd ya did it. You're taller than me AND you have a bachelors? Congrats, Kaitie! #ucalgarygrad

[Darian Magee @DarianMAGEE]

I'm not depressed, I just planned my day very poorly.

[Darian Magee @DarianMAGEE]

If you go to Tim Hortons and order 3 cheese bagels, you're not legally required to disclose that they're your breakfast, lunch, and dinner. that can be ur sexy lil secret. Maybe you know 2 people, ok?? they can't ask if you don't have a lawyer present.