Dark Comedy

Sketch comedy writer (sometimes w/ @Sketchworks). Joke writer for comedians & video producers. @ me for opportunities. Into funny #sketchcomedy #comedywriting

[Dark Comedy @DarkComedy]

Subscribe to my OnlyEnemies page!

[Dark Comedy @DarkComedy]

1 x 1 = 3. It's a metaphor of a metaphor.

[Dark Comedy @DarkComedy]

How come there's no eastern omlette?

[Dark Comedy @DarkComedy]

These are the DVDs in my DVD collection. #MrShow

[Dark Comedy @DarkComedy]

Do you consider me an alcoholic because I brush my teeth with creme de menthe?

[Dark Comedy @DarkComedy]

Richest person ever can't even afford to buy a letter in the beginning of the alphabet. Who the fuck even wants to own X anyway, in the back piece of junk.

[Dark Comedy @DarkComedy]

I accomplished so much today! I don't know how people that have jobs pull this off almost every day.

[Dark Comedy @DarkComedy]

Why do I feel like the Halloween candy I just found on the top of the fridge isn't safe for adults anymore but still okay for kids?

[Dark Comedy @DarkComedy]

Chiropractor wants $85 a visit. I told him he should offer pay-per-crack.

[Dark Comedy @DarkComedy]

Question 1 on an I.Q. test should be 'What does I.Q. stand for?'

[Dark Comedy @DarkComedy]

Hate someone cause they're out of their element? Call em Elon.

#ElonIsASlur

[Dark Comedy @DarkComedy]

Ya ever notice how one slice of deli meat hangs onto the next slice of deli meat like it's still alive?

[Dark Comedy @DarkComedy]

With no AC, it's too hot to spoon! Let's chopsticks.

[Dark Comedy @DarkComedy]

Where is Pat Robertson's grave? I'd like to do a little dance.

[Dark Comedy @DarkComedy]

Elon purposely botched DeSantis' announcement on Twitter! Elon, thank you for your service.

[Dark Comedy @DarkComedy]

Might take a trip down to Florida soon. Vacationer here, wants to know which public bathrooms have 5-star genital checks?

[Dark Comedy @DarkComedy]

A Michigan school district is banning backpacks because a third grader was found with a loaded gun. Maybe perhaps ban the gun instead?

[Dark Comedy @DarkComedy]

You know the book seller at the flea market that always has shit out of date computer books for sale? He's been lugging obsolete books back and forth for 20 years thinking each weekend "this is the day Wordperfect for Dummies is gonna sell"

[Dark Comedy @DarkComedy]

My friends say I need to be open to trying new things. I'll try new things when it's not a $14.75 burrito or a $24 pad thai!

[Dark Comedy @DarkComedy]

They want to ban drag-related plots from Florida (Rocky Horror, Hair, Mrs Doubtfire, etc) and yet a show where DeSantis getting fucked by a polar bear would be totally fine, as long as the DeSantis character is dressed like a man. #Floriduh