Dave Batten

The funny comedian/YouTuber from New Zealand! I have cerebral palsy, but it doesn't stop my humour.

[Dave Batten @DaveBatten1991]

@millamischief Hi, I’m a big fan.

[Dave Batten @DaveBatten1991]

National launched their campaign in Auckland today, and Aucklanders were like:

*Snorting a line of cocaine*

"Election? WTF is that?'

[Dave Batten @DaveBatten1991]

@goodlobster1 @ChalynRugby I hope so. We don't need Mounga or Beauden.

[Dave Batten @DaveBatten1991]

Police need to ban cocaine, or as Aucklander's call it: breakfast.

[Dave Batten @DaveBatten1991]

@daphmc_ Get rid of Beauden Barrett and Richie Mo’unga, they are just pawns that are in the way.

[Dave Batten @DaveBatten1991]

Honestly, if Taskmaster NZ streamed on Netflix, it would hardly make the top 100. Can someone please explain to me why the fuck do we even have a kiwi version of the show?

[Dave Batten @DaveBatten1991]

@skysportnz WE DON’T NEED MO’ANGA! We need Ruben Love and DMac. Richie can retire along with Beauden Barrett. GO IN A OLD PEOPLES HOME!!!!

[Dave Batten @DaveBatten1991]

@pennymarienz The fuckwits wouldn't realise anyway, it's Auckland!

[Dave Batten @DaveBatten1991]

I've just watched Guy Mont's Spelling Bee for the first, and only time, and I have to say that it's one of the most wankiest shows I have EVER watched in my life!

[Dave Batten @DaveBatten1991]

Having Richie Mo’anga in the All Blacks is like keeping Shortland Street on air: pointless!

[Dave Batten @DaveBatten1991]

@TyeTyeee

[Dave Batten @DaveBatten1991]

@TheLeftIsBroken It’s the shittiest program Auckland has ever made.

[Dave Batten @DaveBatten1991]

Who cares? Auckland will have a field day with this news.

https://t.co/d1k6DNfCMB

[Dave Batten @DaveBatten1991]

@NuZillund They cancelled the wrong shows in 2024. Fair Go and Sunday should still be on air, and Shortland Street should be long gone by now.

[Dave Batten @DaveBatten1991]

@martindevlinnz Marty, mate, I have been doing some thinking about the AB’s number 6, and the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that Anton Segner is my no.6.

[Dave Batten @DaveBatten1991]

Beauden Barrett is in the All Blacks again.

[Dave Batten @DaveBatten1991]

Tonight is the Super Rugby semifinal 2 between the Hurricanes and the Poos… sorry, Blues. I’m obviously backing the mighty Canes, and I’m expecting them to win. If the Blues win, I’m starting a total riot!

[Dave Batten @DaveBatten1991]

Tipping Point NZ is going to feature Jason Gunn, sporting stars, and Shortland Street people, or as New Zealand calls the Shorthand Street “stars”: Auckland celebrities.

[Dave Batten @DaveBatten1991]

…gets cancelled last year by the new owners of CBS, SkyDance, even though he was the most watched show in his time slot. 1 and 1 ain’t adding up to 2 here. Mr Colbert, if you ever read this, and I hope you do, PLEASE do so! Because people like you can’t disappear!

[Dave Batten @DaveBatten1991]

I have to be honest with you beautiful people, and I know I live in New Zealand, but I’m pissed off about The Late Show with @StephenAtHome. I love the guy, he’s one of my favourite comedians, and he doesn’t deserve to get cancelled. He was 11 years in the job, and he gets….