Dave Turnip

Bearded cad, rotter and love rat internationale. My cyan cartridge needs replacing...

[Dave Turnip @Dave_Turnip]

It's Friday! And you know what rhymes with 'Friday'?

Yes, that's right, 'Jäger Bombs'

[Dave Turnip @Dave_Turnip]

Cannot wait 😬 #chamome #spoonbendingmutherfucker #blackorwhite

[Dave Turnip @Dave_Turnip]

Camelphat & Elderbrook ‘Cola’

nice https://t.co/Cq9LMFOfp1

[Dave Turnip @Dave_Turnip]

This weather reminds me of my ex wife - unpredictable, grey and fucking miserable.

[Dave Turnip @Dave_Turnip]

Absolutely fuming @evanshalshawuk Blackburn!
Made a 4 hour, 200 mile round trip to view a car that had sold! No courtesy call #wankers

[Dave Turnip @Dave_Turnip]

@FedExHelpEU ... https://t.co/MXqvDREz2D

[Dave Turnip @Dave_Turnip]

@FedExHelp DF12BNN - in left hand lane on roundabout but cut me up & turned right with no indication, went through red lights #cunt

[Dave Turnip @Dave_Turnip]

@FedExHelp DF12BNN - in left hand lane on roundabout but cut me up & turned right with no indication, went through red lights #cunt

[Dave Turnip @Dave_Turnip]

@ShitJokes That's out of order

[Dave Turnip @Dave_Turnip]

@JDMorgan who says romance is dead? 😜 #TheWalkingDead

[Dave Turnip @Dave_Turnip]

Haha this applies to so many people...

[Dave Turnip @Dave_Turnip]

#SuBo was at the pub quiz last night... I wasn't dreaming a dream.

[Dave Turnip @Dave_Turnip]

The Amazons - Little Something https://t.co/XFBqGGTRJQ

[Dave Turnip @Dave_Turnip]

@KwikFitCS I'm no grass chief

[Dave Turnip @Dave_Turnip]

@KwikFitCS why was one of your staff sat topless in the office this morning? #myeyes 🙈

[Dave Turnip @Dave_Turnip]

Didn't think it was possible for 2 people to drink 1.5 litres of gin, 1/2 bottle of sambuca and 1/2 bottle of vodka in 1 night.

It is! 😳

[Dave Turnip @Dave_Turnip]

White Wine In The Sun by Tim Minchin 😭 https://t.co/yH8L86Fk79

[Dave Turnip @Dave_Turnip]

@bulldog_evo @LittleMisScouse one is a lifeless, braindead being, the other is a zombie

[Dave Turnip @Dave_Turnip]

Should I go out for a pint tonight?

A. Yes
B. A
C. B