David

parody account; opinions expressed are not those of my employer and typically not even mine. tweets and retweets are not investment advice

[David @DaveyWipes]

Do these refs have money on Argentina?

[Carli Lloyd @CarliLloyd]

I don’t owe anyone an apology. My comment wasn’t about his post game interview. He skipped Gold Cup last summer because he wanted to rest and be ready for WC. He ended up resting the whole year. That’s the facts. Nothing personal against him.

[David @DaveyWipes]

I hate the performative hangover hooked up to an iv trend. Talk to me when you are doordashing Chinese food while laying in your own vomit

[Carli Lloyd @CarliLloyd]

You rest when your playing career is over. Period.

[David @DaveyWipes]

Egypt coaches dressing like bouncers isn’t helping anyone

[David @DaveyWipes]

Crazy how everyone on the English team has a boner rn

[David @DaveyWipes]

No way Travis knows 20 minuets of words

[Taylor Swift Updates 💎 @swifferupdates]

💍| According to People, the vows were 20 minutes each!

[David @DaveyWipes]

Part of the proceeds should go to everyone they impacted by blocking msg on July 4th weekend

[kat @ervis_2000]

they really gonna sell this shit 😭

[Daniel @growing_daniel]

The fix is in. Soccer is inherently corrupt, and Americans are pure of heart and conscience so we do not play their games. So they take us out back, and they shoot us.

🕯️ holding a candle for the only pure and good country to ever exist. We are not meant for this world.

[David @DaveyWipes]

Bosnian Billy Joel needs to go

[David @DaveyWipes]

FIFA remains the most corrupt organization in the world

[David @DaveyWipes]

Friday night lights intro song came on at dicks sporting goods and I started crying mid aisle

[David @DaveyWipes]

Thought this was lil sas at first glance

[y2k2006 @lindsayslung]

timothée chalamet and lily-rose depp, 2019

[David @DaveyWipes]

Imagine being addressed as a “Robinhoodie” in your termination email… id crash out so hard

[pablo escobarner (blue check) @PabloEscoburner]

USMNT has so much motion the prime minister of Canada skipped his own country’s match so he could get jacked off under a table by Katy Perry while the USA steamrolled Paraguay.

Checkmate, world.

[Russillo @ryenarussillo]

I think hydration breaks might just be commercials

[David @DaveyWipes]

On a flight and my whole TL is pineapple koolaid videos, I can feel the middle age man next to me staring at my screen in disgust

[David @DaveyWipes]

FIFA blatantly extorting their own fans is dropping my World Cup interest to near zero

[Brad Keselowski @keselowski]

I made him earn every victory and stole a few from him along the way. We took our shots at each other, in the media and on the track. But I’d like to think that somewhere deep down there was an appreciation that we pushed each other to perform at the highest level, even if neither of us would’ve admitted it.

Tonight, I feel a little like the coyote with no more roadrunner to chase. His loss is all of our loss, but none more so than his family’s. Thinking of Samantha, and Brexton and Lennix who lost their father today.

[Devan Costa @DevanCosta]

Thankfully Jeffrey Epstein never made any racist jokes the night he had dinner with Chelsea Handler