David Breitman

I enjoy obscure winter sports, family friendly gangster rap and the non-sex parts of porn....

[The Bold Italic @thebolditalic]

Share Good News on Facebook Without Everyone Hating You by @DavidBreitman http://t.co/1fPt6DUqOT

[Gabi Conti @ItsGabiConti]

A really fun @YouUpThePodcast is up! @DNealz and I chat with @DavidBreitman and @EGrace (Miss South Carolina!) https://t.co/5uVdrODuUE

[David Breitman @DavidBreitman]

At the Dutch cheese museum.... Because there's no free samples at the Anne Frank house. #GoingtoHellInADairyBasket

[David Breitman @DavidBreitman]

"Wanna get drunk and shoot arrows at things?" -My buddy who sold his company to Google.

[David Breitman @DavidBreitman]

Moving time! If anyone knows one of those depressing complexes filled with divorced Dads who call it a "temporary situation," hit me up!

[David Breitman @DavidBreitman]

I had no idea "travel agent" used to be an actual job. I thought it was just a slang term old people used for Expedia.

[David Breitman @DavidBreitman]

Spent five hours in Philadelphia. Was told to go fuck myself three times and got pretty bad food poisoning.... Lovely town.

[David Breitman @DavidBreitman]

Happy Boxing Day to my Canadian friends.... and to my American ones who think we're pretty much just making up holidays at this point.

[David Breitman @DavidBreitman]

When landing in Amsterdam it'll take 30 minutes by train to my buddy's house. Or, an hour to pronounce "Anjlierdwarstraat 7" to a cab driver

[David Breitman @DavidBreitman]

My Lit professor always said "each new chapter can change the whole story." Excited to see how this next step shapes my tale. Off to Europe!

[David Breitman @DavidBreitman]

Can I link my Instagram to the dictionary? I'm alone at a hotel bar on Christmas... A picture of this should be under the entry for "sad. "

[David Breitman @DavidBreitman]

Be sure to keep telling everyone on Facebook how amazing your Christmas was... Every time you make a friend jealous, an angel gets its wings

[David Breitman @DavidBreitman]

Being single again is killing my wallet. I don't have room in there for a condom I'll probably never use...

[David Breitman @DavidBreitman]

Besides "make sure she doesn't have a penis," does anyone have some tips for Amsterdam? Food, museums, underground sports I can gamble on...

[David Breitman @DavidBreitman]

Merry Christmas to all my non-Jewish friends. I hope everyone I've met through playing sports or doing manual labor has a nice holiday.

[David Breitman @DavidBreitman]

Christmas Eve...The one night I don't have to put my dishes in the sink. Seriously, I leave milk and cookies everywhere and nobody complains

[David Breitman @DavidBreitman]

Just traded in my American money for Euros. I don't know how this game usually goes, but I think I lost....

[David Breitman @DavidBreitman]

My brother refused to let "being Jewish" ruin his Christmas. He bought himself a stocking, filled it with presents and is now opening them.

[David Breitman @DavidBreitman]

Note to self: if you're gonna refer to someone as "that fat guy who gets easily winded," check to make sure he's not on the email chain.

[David Breitman @DavidBreitman]

My buddy just spent 10 minutes telling me about "Tinder." He seems to think getting Herpes or waking up in a tub of ice will cheer me up...