Cock Johnson

funny for a boy

[Cock Johnson @DavidHadfather]

smoking a cigarette on a razor scooter is the closest I’ll ever get to going to Europe

[Cock Johnson @DavidHadfather]

I like how we call Hitler by his last name like he's the captain of a highschool football team

[Cock Johnson @DavidHadfather]

got too stoned before bed and couldn't stop imagining my 1000 Ways to Die Episode: Man who Slept with Two Electric Blankets

[Cock Johnson @DavidHadfather]

@ZoPunny Far back as I could remember I always wanted to be a bueno hombre

[Cock Johnson @DavidHadfather]

My Spotify wrapped isn't taking into account how often I hear the Simpsons theme when I fall asleep drunk watching it

[Cock Johnson @DavidHadfather]

I heard Elon Musk is buying https://t.co/njuuVNr9I2

[Cock Johnson @DavidHadfather]

I want to die of natural causes... be crushed by a tree

[Cock Johnson @DavidHadfather]

all porn is cuck porn if you just watch porn and have low self esteem

[Cock Johnson @DavidHadfather]

@HogPussy If stephen page is involved I'm def gonna go

[Cock Johnson @DavidHadfather]

@chillona3 Im picturing him in an old timey sleeping cap

[Cock Johnson @DavidHadfather]

1. The Smelly Frittata:
A blue cheese frittata
2. The ‘Like a Bird’ Omelette:
A vegan chicken and egg omelette
3. The Man Eater:
A classic big breakfast with extra sausage
4. The Promiscuous Hibiscuous Mimosa: a fun and flirty take on the mimosa, made with hibiscus

[Cock Johnson @DavidHadfather]

Me and my gf got super high last night and spent like an hour building a Nelly Furtado themed breakfast menu and I actually think we’re onto something huge

[Cock Johnson @DavidHadfather]

@hatmantom “Don’t go in there, there’s… wizard stuff in there”

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

My wife knows the only DM’s I slide into are my Denim Moccasins.

[Cock Johnson @DavidHadfather]

I always forget I’m from a small town until I start casually referencing our local witch from the 1800’s named “Rebecca”

[Cock Johnson @DavidHadfather]

A guy who looks like me just gave me an impassioned speech on bioethics, the federal governments control over digital money, and a few COVID conspiracies. I was like man, i don’t know what you’re talking about, I just don’t like getting haircuts or buying new clothes

[Cock Johnson @DavidHadfather]

Everyone gather outside the palace and whoever catches her big funny hat gets to be queen now

[Cock Johnson @DavidHadfather]

I blame the queens death on her Knights. Elton John should’ve protected her better

[Cock Johnson @DavidHadfather]

@new_hole Fried chicken lookin ass boots