Dave Kinney

Stand Up Comedian, Writer, Miami Dolphins fan, & Unrecognizable Road Feature

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

@thefastsaga was originally supposed to come out today. This joke is a tribute to a great franchise and a great performance by @therock #f9 #MoreWolves 🐺

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

AJ Ewing’s first 3 games:
.333 AVG
.538 OBP
.889 SLG
1.427 OPS

2004 Barry Bonds
.362 AVG
.609 OBP
.812 SLG
1.421 OPS
#LGM

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

@AC_assettocorsa Please improve the VR performance

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

This is 100% what the founding fathers had in mind when they drew up the Bill of Rights

[TMZ @TMZ]

🚨 Diddy appeals his conviction and says freak offs were amateur p*rno and are protected by the 1st Amendment.

Read more: https://t.co/4HQ0PGWzLw

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

@HaasF1TeamBoss @HaasF1Team If only

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

Paying for a Baja Blast with a Mets home run. What a time to be alive. Thanks, Francisco Alvarez! #LGM

[MLB @MLB]

FREE BAJA BLAST 😤

Francisco Alvarez gives the people what they want with his 429-foot BLAST!

(MLB x @MountainDew)

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

@Variety 🏴‍☠️

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

If you’re looking for something to do in NYC this weekend, I’m on some shows you should check out:

Opening for Janeane Garofalo and @dopequeenpheebs at the Triad Theater in UWS tonight at 8pm

Performing on the 6pm show at Eastville Comedy Club in Brooklyn tomorrow night

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

@AC_assettocorsa Please take the team you have creating these dubstep videos and reassign them to helping optimize VR

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

@HaasF1Team SHOW US THE GODZILLA CAR!!!

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

@katemagdziuk Him: 😒

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

Hell yeah, I want to see prosecutions. This was basically treason

[Brad Hoylman-Sigal 🌈🥯 @bradhoylman]

The Office of the Manhattan Borough President will be launching an investigation to ensure nothing like this ever happens again.

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

@nyjets

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

The NFL should force any owner of a team that goes 25 years without a playoff win to sell the team

[DolphinsTalk.com @DolphinsTalk]

THIS DAY IN DOLPHINS HISTORY: December 30, 2000 - The last time the Miami Dolphins won a playoff game happened 25 years ago today. The Dolphins Beat the Colts 23-17 in Overtime. Lamar Smith in this game ran 40 times for 209 yards, including the game-winning TD in overtime

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

@LeBatardShow @DolphinsTalk @ZaslowShow Tua needs to go eventually, but I don’t get the logic in cutting him, with the costs being equal. At minimum, he’s a solid backup.

Cutting him would mean paying him $56M and then paying a backup QB $6-7M

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

@MiamiDolphins Finally

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

Finally

[Miami Dolphins @MiamiDolphins]

The Miami Dolphins and general manager Chris Grier have mutually agreed to part ways.

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

Is there some weird origin story? Did Billy the Marlin kill their parents so they swore vengeance on all finned sports teams?

[Tyler Tarabocchia @iamtylertnt]

Update:

Chris Grier & Dolphins are 1-6
Mike Grier & Sharks are 0-6
Combined Record = 1-12

THESE BROTHERS SUCK AT THEIR JOBS

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

@OmarKelly I wonder why the fans of a team that last won a playoff game 25 years ago would be more “toxic” than a team that last won a playoff game last year.

It’s a real mystery

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

@OmarKelly We don’t have to hope for the team’s failure. McDaniels and Grier’s incompetence guarantees it

[Dave Kinney @DavidKinney]

@OmarKelly This fanbase isn’t healthy? This team isn’t healthy.

Last year’s team was trash and this year’s team is obviously worse. We should be watching a rebuild, but instead we’re waiting for a senile 85 year old to figure out what we all knew months ago