David Collings

Writer • Producer • Digital Creator

[David Collings @DavidMCollings]

@JimmyJohnson Doing the #JimmyShimmy

[David Collings @DavidMCollings]

I don’t give a shit how strategic faking injury is in #FIFAWorldCup !It is shifty and unsportsmanlike . Takes me out of the sport every time.

[David Collings @DavidMCollings]

There should be an Emmy Awards category for best portrayal of an injury in #FIFAWorldCup . I think @TeamMessi would have a pretty full shelf

[David Collings @DavidMCollings]

Old Navy commercials are cryptic as f#!k.
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#oldnavy #FallonTonight

[David Collings @DavidMCollings]

Trying so hard to get into #FIFAWorldCup but the wussy ass simulating and diving is making it very difficult. Aren’t these guys supposed to be tough? Are they aware of the slow motion replays? #offputting

[David Collings @DavidMCollings]

Finally saw #Nope . @JordanPeele makes perfect movies. #NopeMovie

[David Collings @DavidMCollings]

@CarnivalCruise I’m sorry, are you saying thunderfuck?

[Elijah Wood @elijahwood]

Y’all. We’re not doing this again, right?We had four years that felt like a nightmare and that was that…right?

[David Collings @DavidMCollings]

I have a hard time getting into @ChiliPeppers ever since @flea333 kidnapped Princess Leia.

[David Collings @DavidMCollings]

#SNL season 38 had the dopest opening title sequence.

[David Collings @DavidMCollings]

@Candace82661097 @Disney My heart grew three sizes watching this ❤️

[David Collings @DavidMCollings]

I speak much too clearly for Siri to be fucking up this bad. C’mon @Apple !

[David Collings @DavidMCollings]

@GetSpectrum Hey spectrum I am using your mobile service. Can you tell me why I have to walk to the end of my block to make and receive phone calls? Your service has been incredibly bad ever since I’ve had it. Get your shit together!

[David Collings @DavidMCollings]

@HydroFlask those two piece lids you make are really crappy and inconvenient. One piece is fine.

[David Collings @DavidMCollings]

“We need to go back” seems to be a common phrase among republicans. Sad to see a group of people so terrified of progress.

[David Collings @DavidMCollings]

@tedcruz is a pompous, privileged, ignorant simpleton with a deep seated fear of intelligent, critical thinkers. #sad

[David Collings @DavidMCollings]

Hey U2, how do I get your album of my iPhone?!?

[David Collings @DavidMCollings]

Hey #Siri… Get the shit out of your ears!! This technology has been around way too long to suck this hard.

[David Collings @DavidMCollings]

Is @realjstatham @TheGEICOGecko ?

[David Collings @DavidMCollings]

@joncoopertweets Them and the crazy fucks that support them.